I poured an assortment of nuts and what nots into a container. My big bro: you belong in there. Me: why? My big bro: cuz you're a random nut. Haha!
I got my first pay from an official job on Saturday! So eggcited! N it's in a green packet some more! :)
Okay RESULTS. As it inches closer I become more nervous. I'll be hiding under a rock or something. You won't find me,hopefully. I need some time to grieve/mourn/be traumatized/be mute. My days of ignorance-is-bliss are soon to be over. I'm preparing to get smacked in the face by a gigantic hand. I think this is all I can ever think about this week. Things after march 4 2.30pm won't be good. Sometimes believing is just not enough.
excuse me :X
10:33:00 PM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
AHHH i love waking up late in the morning! Today is the day i can relax. I've survived one week of work now. It's so tiring for my eyes, staring at the computer screen almost throughout the day. I'm still learning and getting used to everything there. And getting up at 6 every morning, the same time I wake up for school. When I run late, it's like an adventure on public transport. Squeezing for your life on the train and brisk walking to the interchange to catch the bus. I'm impressed by how people actually squeeze like there's no tomorrow. haha. Due to my lack of accounts/finance knowledge, it's not easy learning the ropes. Which makes me realise even more that i'm not interested in business/ finance kind of thing. I literally had to learn from scratch because they are all foreign to me. Sometimes my mind tend to drift away when i do repetitive things that do not require thinking. Then i end up going back and checking my work again to make sure. Now then i know what my mum always say when i spend a lot of money: qian bu rong yi zhuan ah. haha. Well, this will be an experience for me. Oh, i banged my head really really really hard on thursday, on my way out of the library after giving tuition. I guess i was super hungry and tired and didn't aim properly. I thought i did, before the sound from my head against metal shutter door reminded me that i didn't. My head was still throbbing when i walked to the mrt. My poor head. I banged it when i was in Taiwan and again now. I hope my skull is thick enough to withstand all these torture. haha.
I am so happy it's the weekend and i can revert to myself again. When i come home from work, I talk more than i ever did in the office. I don't know if it's because i've just started out and i'm not very familiar with everyone or the office setting. I just have this 'energy' build up inside me that no matter how tired i am, i need to release it. And then there's the generation gap thing. Anyway, the main thing was, i came back and went to buy groceries with my brothers and my mum. And it was the most fun thing i did for the entire week. Some people might think, go grocery shopping fun meh? But it was for me, because of the people i went with. While shopping the aisles with my brothers, i felt like i've found back the me i've lost somewhere somehow for the week. In the office, my mouth didn't have to exercise a lot. But at the supermarket, i just wouldn't let my mouth rest for a second. Then comes the annoying part. Usually when we go buy groceries, we tend to pack a trolley overflowing with stuff. When i look at the trolley, i wonder how we can manage to finish them within a week or so. But we always do and we eat like normal. Not stuffing ourselves like pigs like that. Haha. But yesterday, we had 2 trolleys overflowing with things. One trolley was for my dad, because his company gave him allowance to stock up the food there. And the other trolley was for our survival. So as we were queueing up with 2 trolleys full of stuff, we suddenly became the tourist attraction. This is not the first time happening. It always somehow manages to attract attention when you buy that kind of amount of things. But yesterday was the most annoying out of all the times. Maybe because the supermarket was quite small and the cashier area was small and everyone was so near to one another. Anyway, i know people will stare. And it's not that i mind because, really, it's getting old. So i like to imitate their actions. When they look at us, i will look back. It's so fun to see them catching my eye and looking away, trying to pretend that they weren't just staring. And then their eyes will somehow shift back to us again and i will still be looking at them. Haha! People, it was so not obvious, really. haha. The entire queue next to us took turns staring at us. I mean, okay la, if i were to see a family buy 2 trolley full of groceries i would be surprised too. But i won't stare like some underground potato who has not seen anything like it before. There is something called: it's not nice to stare at other people. ok i shall begin my angry speech here. To all the starers: You also don't see me staring at you like some poor peasant if you only have a few things in a basket. Maybe that's all you need for that time. OHKAY. So don't assume that we are gluttons or whatever your stares meant just because we have 2 full trolleys. We obviously have our reasons and by staring the hardest you could, the answer wouldn't fly out and hit you. Although i wish it did. Haha.There was this super annoying couple, they just cannot keep their eyes off of us. All the way from when they were queueing to when they were paying at the cashier. I told my big bro about people staring, he said: let them stare la, we can afford they cannot afford ma. And he purposely said it quite loudly. This can be mean and wrong in so many ways but i don't feel bad about it. It's a petty retaliation against you starers. ha! haha. I could see from the corner of my eyes people were looking and listening when my 2nd bro was talking to my mum about how much each trolley would roughly cost. And there was nobody behind us in the queue. I guess everyone was afraid to after they saw the amount of things we have. Ok done. I've gotten it off my chest. For yesterday and all the other times. I know it will happen again the next time. So, since i'm bored queueing and you're bored queueing, let's play a game! haha.
There were some things we did that others might see as not, for the lack of better words, 'glam'. Like my mum talking as though for the whole world to hear and my 2nd bro squatting down a while because he was tired. Sometimes, actually most of the times, there is no difference between my mum talking and shouting. I always tell her i think she cong shan shang lai de. You know, like when they call out each other from the mountain top to the bottom. haha. So anyway, through all of this, i still had fun. I wouldn't trade 'glamness' for fun. It's not like i have any 'glamness' to trade with in the first place.haha!
The other day, when i came back from work, Titanic was on Channel 5. I was supposedly watching it but didn't pay much attention to it because i've watched it like a thousand times. But there was this part when Jack said: 'I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up.' This kind of inspired me, or even gave me a little bit of courage. Because i am terrified of the unknown.
excuse me :X
12:19:00 PM
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Do not downplay my experience. Just because you are older and has gone through more does not mean my experience is any less significant in my life. Yes, you shouldn't give advice, just listen. I should have known when to stop instead of persisting on with something i know I would never get from you. I am trying my hadest to pull your opinions down from the top and slowly pushing mine up, because the frustrating thing is, I am easily affected by what you say. From something I feel so proud of, to shattered pieces under the force of your words. I want to enjoy the freedom of feeling however I want to and not let you dictate what I should be feeling proud of. It sounds so easy when I said it, but you think I'd be feeling this way if it were like a walk in the park? You think you are giving, but you are taking away more than you know. It will make you feel better about yourself, but not the one who made that possible. Sometimes the simplest of things are the hardest to get. You know how it feels when you see that excited face beaming with pride as she listens to your story. For once, I would love to see that face too. All I ask for is your acknowledgment and to feel proud of me. But it's like a dog chasing its own tail.
excuse me :X
6:06:00 PM
THE OLD FART
Wan En
18
HKPS(1999-2004)
Commonwealth Sec (2005-2008)
National JC (2009-2010)
