I Do Not Fall.

2012-01-20T12:16:00.000+08:00

Yes I may be hindering you
Though I hope not
Now I've come to see
It is not entirely impossible
I do not ever want to be the person who stands at the door, blocking your way
Shards of glass and pieces of ruins on the floor
I'll help clear them up
I'll even lay a long grand carpet out for you
So please walk on through.

2012-01-18T14:55:00.000+08:00

thoughts for the past week. just mumbo jumbo.

I commend your decency. I'm glad I got to catch a glimpse of that.

Is this the last straw? I hope it is. It's better for me. Because I don't have to deal with it anymore. And look at the bigger picture. Look at what will really matter in the end. All of these will soon be forgotten. And people won't remember. Selective memory.
I will not lose sight of it anymore. What is the purpose of it all.
The picture got a bit fuzzy back then
It's starting to become clear again

"Next time I'll be braver. I'll be my own savior"
Adele-turning tables

my dad told me something yesterday morning. i will never forget what he said to me and i will do what he told me. i never expected to hear that from him. the timing was almost impeccable, almost as though he knew that was what i needed to hear. walking around with so many thoughts in my head but never told anyone, to hear that from him, i'm just really glad.

2012-01-10T22:00:00.001+08:00

2011-12-29T14:54:00.003+08:00

I just got back from my Penang trip with borats yesterday. it was very fun! we mostly shopped and walked around, though we didn't have time to finish exploring. one of the highlights was the trishaw ride. i thought it was my first time riding it but according to my mum, i've rode it before when i was younger. i have no memory of that. haha. but the trishaw ride was very fun! it's like so close to the cars and the people walking on the roads. i feel like it's an theme park ride. haha. the weather was very nice also when we rode the trishaws. though it's not very good for the uncles who are mostly quite old already. how cool will it be if everyone rode in trishaws and the the person cycling and the person on the trishaw take turns. then can just travel in trishaws already. haha. we also did the parasailing and jet skiing. okay these 2 are really my first times. it was really fun and awesome. i didn't dare to drive the jet ski for the fear that it might topple but nas wanted it to topple. haha. i think i wouldn't have as much fun if i drove it because sitting behind a mad woman driving on a jet ski is really really fun to the max. hahaha. one of the things we didn't get to do was the horse riding. not meant to ride it this time but maybe next time. we also went for the foo massage. at least nas and jq did. it was really interesting listening to how he could tell the problems from foot massage. we also ate at the revolving restaurant which was very cool. the food there was also super nice. how cool if the speed of revolving can be controlled. then can go faster or slower as we pleased. so fun uh! hahaha. i have the intention of buying a lot of things but in the end i didn't buy much because i find there isn't much to buy. a lot of the money was spent on taxi. other stuff we did were going up the penang hill and going to the temple. the sea breeze on the penang hill was super duper nice. very nice to run in the morning. the temple had the biggest statue of buddha(? i'm not sure is it the correct term/character) i've ever seen. it was amazing. there was also the night market and seafood dinner. i used to write as many details about trips or outings as possible but i can't remember all of them now. i will rely on the tons of photos we took to help me remember. haha. overall, it was my first time travelling with my friends and it was very fun! i felt i had 'jet lag' from 10 hour bus ride hahaha! it was a fantastic experience and i loved the trip!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

i'm flying off to beijing tomorrow with my family. excited about the negative degrees! hope it snows then can have snowball fight with my bros and build snowman. haha. i think this is the first time our entire tour group is only made up of my family and relatives. and i'll bring laptop over in case i have to bid for my modules in china. haha. this holiday is quite awesome because im not in sg for both christmas and new year's. yay! and so many firsts. :))))))))))

2011-12-22T01:17:00.001+08:00

I can't tell myself enough how enough is enough. The word 'enough' must mean something to me. That's where I need to get. 'enough is enough' 2 'enough-fe-ss' but I still don't get it. I don't get why I don't get it.

2011-12-16T01:50:00.002+08:00

The results are coming out soon. I really have no expectations for it. Is it for it or of it. Ok i don't know. And I did a pretty stupid thing during that time. Because of that, I realized just when I thought i can't be more silly, I did something so stupid. I'll come to regret it when the results are out. How can something so trivial snowball into something so huge and destructive. I wish I could answer that. I wished i didn't do what i did. And I hope I've learnt. I don't like to say this sentence because I don't believe in it. I never learn. Hopefully even after the blow I can still enjoy my vacation afterwards.

2011-12-07T14:14:00.003+08:00

You know sometimes when I sit down and think about what has happened, I realized I am in the same predicament as I was, be it 1 year ago, 4 years ago. It's like oh no wait, again. I don't know why, I never know why. And I can't help but to think that life is going to throw this at me for the rest of my life. Is there supposed to be some kind of pattern? It kind of helps get me used to it if I am stuck in the same situation over and over again, but honestly I'll never get used to it. It'll just get less difficult. Maybe I'm supposed to adjust to this. But how do you adjust to bricks thrown in your face? Will your skin ever toughened to be like that of elephant leg skin to not feel the impact? it sounds harsh but that's how the initial 'shock' of it all feels like. But life is never that bad. It's just hard to see it sometimes.
i never know what i did wrong. i wish somebody would say something. Because I must have done something so unforgivable right.

"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."

2011-12-06T01:38:00.001+08:00

When you get tired and stop resisting
And start accepting
It's the best feeling in the world
Because its one more thing you can finally accept about yourself

2011-11-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

i don't know how you do it. i could never figure it out. i am just amazed. throughout the years i have seen so much. so many things that could drive an ordinary person crazy. but through all the chaos you remained sane. you never fail to always be there for us, though i know sometimes you wished we could be more there for you too. like a solid steel pillar that never wavers. nothing fazes you. and your enthusiasm. where would i be without your enthusiasm. i know sometimes we would start arguing after speaking a few words, and be able to rub each other the wrong way so effortlessly. i am still trying and have so many things to work on.
i love that i still hug you every day, ever since i was 11. sometimes after i had a bad day, when i hug you when you came home, i feel so much better. i don't even have to say anything. especially when i really don't want to say anything.
a lot of things i watch from the sidelines. some things are so hard to watch, but just watching you gives me hope. how is it possible for someone to be this strong. where do you get your strength from. i believe it is your nature. you are just strong like that.
to the strongest woman i'll ever know, happy birthday mum! :)

2011-11-27T01:02:00.003+08:00

thanks for the heart attack today. i updated my phone to ios5 and didn't back up properly. so everything is gone. i almost died when i realised that. it feels like i lost everything. the sudden kind of emptiness. like one second ago you had all your files and data in your phone and now they're totally gone. luckily i saved my photos beforehand. but my contacts are all gone. luckily i found that i stored my contacts somewhere on my comp last year. so not all are lost. at first it was really hard to accept, but then this mistake help put in perspective for me. of what are the things that are really important. when i'm forced to lose so many things, did i realise i didn't actually lose much. i actually had a lot of junk in my phone. when i had them i thought those are the things i must have. but when i lost them, i realised that it doesn't really matter whether i had them or not. and as for contacts, i used to have 3 digit number in it because as i changed phones i just backed up and transferred everything over. and obviously i do not contact everyone in my contact list all the time. we contacted during a period of time but things happen and life happens and people start to fade out. since i have to restore the contacts manually, i only restored those that i keep contact with. so from 3 digit to 2 digit, it seems like a whole lot emptier. but then nothing really changed because even if i had those other contacts in my phone, but i don't keep in contact with them, does it make a difference? but i'm glad to see those who have remained constant. for those people i met from end of last year onwards, they will be completely lost. but there's always facebook. haha. for those i met in school, i can get from them again next sem. and my messages. i'm not the kind who delete messages. any kind of messages. as long as there is space in my phone, i won't bother deleting them. and to me, messages sometimes help me to recall what happened in the past. it's like a journal writing itself. like what conversation you had with this person during this time or what happened then etc. because i don't have a very good memory so sometimes it helps. helps in what. i don't know. haha.
so why such a long rant about this. people lose their stuff all the time. my big bro told me he lost his contacts 5 or 6 times. and he doesn't back up his contacts. because i am not the the best person in letting go of stuff. actually i'm the worst person in letting go of stuff. i like to keep a lot of things for memory's sake,because i really do forget a lot of things and i want to remember them. when i forget things, it's as though they never happened. and i don't like the feeling of things that should matter or once mattered to be as though they never existed. even the most important things will be forgotten overtime. i will only remember some things if something jolted or triggered that memory. so i keep things to trigger memories.
so since i have no choice, i can take this as a fresh start. and i'm not really friends with technology. it doesn't really like me. next time i'll just store things in certain places and not all over the place so when i want to store them i don't have to go all over the place to collect them like some farmer collecting eggs from chickens that lay their eggs everywhere. haha

2011-11-05T18:23:00.002+08:00

why am i still surprised? it's not like i've not been through this before.
is it possible for karma to come in a form of human?
i should have never decided that this isn't who you are.

2011-10-28T17:52:00.000+08:00

2011-10-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

You are unworthy. In time, you will prove it. Give me time to embrace it.
Some things you know are not worth it but you do them anyway. Sigh. If I need to take a deep breath in and breathe out to make me feel better after your presence, then you are the "These kind of people need a lot of patience one." So true.

But at the end of today, :)
Thank you, another you.

2011-10-06T16:02:00.000+08:00

screwed like one big ball of elephant shit :(
and things
so bek cek
rolling eyes internally

2011-09-21T21:44:00.002+08:00

what you have, you have a name for it
all i have is a memory
only remembered by me.

2011-09-18T14:33:00.000+08:00

I always leave there feeling good about myself
It's almost like therapy
I learn something more every time, about life and other stuff
That can be so much more valuable, but are the things that usually teachers don't teach
Though i don't seem to respond as much as i've liked to, your words always leave an impact on me
And i enjoyed listening to them
It's sad that I have to pause now, but hopefully some day i will pick it up again
If i do, i'll definitely learn from you
Because of all teachers, you are one of a kind

2011-09-08T13:43:00.001+08:00

i hope there never comes a day
when i have to open my mouth and say
because it's the one thing, the only thing
so... no f--king way

2011-08-26T23:39:00.000+08:00

there are just some things i stand from afar and look with envy.
looking around, surrounded by it
how some things come so easily to others, it's almost like a right
and questions starts to pour, but it is not within my control
what i would give to have what you have. you will never understand.
what comes so easily to you, i must scale mountains to get to
at some point i just stop resisting. maybe for some reason, i'm not destined to enjoy it.
when things don't look up and there's nothing i can do even after i've tried
i just need to keep my head up
i won't drown if i keep on breathing. just keep breathing.

2011-07-29T14:52:00.003+08:00

only starting to learn what should have been learnt 18 years ago. when it finally hits you that you are drawing from the wrong power supply. the opposite of a blessing in disguise. but why only now then i can see? it's like walking in the forest in the dark by myself.

why is this happening

beneath the tranquil surface of the ocean always lies violent undercurrents. like my mind. chaotic inside. when things gets too much down comes the shutter. it's not that i forget or i don't feel. there are too much unpleasantness that it has become an almost auto mode for it to switch to.

so disconnected with words. like i really don't know how.

there is a way. just that i haven't found it yet.

i need to keep my head up.

2011-06-19T21:36:00.004+08:00

"The Native American and the cricket"

A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, “I hear a cricket.” His friend said, “What? You must be crazy. You couldn’t possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!” “No, I’m sure of it,” the Native American said. “I heard a cricket.” “That’s crazy,” said the friend. The Native American listened carefully for a moment and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed. “That’s incredible,” said his friend. “You must have superhuman ears!” “No,” said the Native American. “My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you’re listening for.” “But that can’t be!” said the friend. “I could never hear a cricket in this noise.” “Yes, it’s true,” came the reply. “It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you.” He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs. “See what I mean?” asked the Native American. “It all depends on what’s important to you.”

“The Hungry Boy”

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?” “You don’t owe me anything” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for kindness.” “Then I thank you from my heart,” he said. As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was renewed. He had been ready to give up and quit. Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. he recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day on he gave special attention to her case. And after a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, wrote something on the edge and the bill was then sent to the woman’s room. She was afraid to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words, “Paid in full with one glass of milk, Dr. Howard Kelly.” Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: “Thank you, God, that your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands.”

Elizabeth Kubler Ross- “Unfinished business”

You remember when I insisted we go to the beach and you said, “No. It’s going to rain”? And I absolutely insisted and you said, “It’s going to be a horrible day,” and didn’t want to go? But I insisted and we went and it was a horrible day and it rained all day and I thought you were really going to give me hell for it

But you didn’t.

Remember when I tried to make you jealous and I went out with another boy? I thought this time you’re really going to drop me.

But you didn’t.

Remember when I demanded that we go to this dance and you didn’t want to come but I demanded it? I also forgot to tell you that it was formal? And you came in jeans? I thought “You’re gonna kill me!”

But you didn’t.

I wanted to tell you all these things when you came home from Vietnam.

But you didn’t.

"The wise woman’s stone"

A wise woman who was travelling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But, a few days later, he came back to return the stone to the woman. “I’ve been thinking,” he said. “I know how valuable this stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Please give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me this stone.”

A Sioux Myth

The Creator gathered all of Creation and said, "I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it. It is the realisation that they create their own reality." The eagle said, "Give it to me, i will take it to the moon." The Creator said, "No. One day they will go there and find it." The salmon said, "I will bury it on the bottom of the ocean." "No. They will go there, too." The buffalo said, "I will bury it on the Great Plains." The Creator said, "They will cut into the skin of the Earth and find it even there." Grandmother Mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth, and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes, said, "Put it inside of them." And the Creator said, "It is done."

2011-04-24T18:17:00.010+08:00

i don't expect you to understand

it's beyond your ability to comprehend
this is now and that was then
did you really think i had nothing better to do than to pretend?

that's why i'm saying this again
maybe you think i'm just insane
what the hell is wrong with her, what's wrong with her brain?
if you had asked i would've explained

or has it never occurred to you
that i am a person, i have my point of view
that i live my life, i walk in my shoe
did you ever try to see what i went through?

just because of what you see
doesn't mean it's what it's actually supposed to be
how i wish it were that simple and easy
but open your eyes damnit, don't just believe so brainlessly

i do have a part to blame
for causing all these struggle and pain
days of darkness, tears like rain
but in the end it's still the same

what did you expect me to hold on to
when i had nothing to believe it was true
so i was lost and didn't know what to do
i let the lies get to me and drown myself in a lie-infested pool

of course it's dumb when i think of it now
but i wouldn't have known it then, would i now?
it's beyond what my mind would allow
and thanks for helping out by sitting there when i'm forced to watch something so foul

i took every word seriously
but it seemed like you thought i didn't, apparently
i chose to let them all bother me
i broke them down and piece them up incorrectly
and there you have it, a screwed up masterpiece

It’s no wonder they say for a lie to work one has to say it and the other to believe it
And I naively believed all that shit
Not necessarily lies, but just what you did
I still don’t trust you, and unlike you, I mean it

Don’t know how many times I’ve walked this way
Only to regret the very next day
When my mind clears away of all that grey
And I finally see what I’ve thrown away

I admit this may be blown out of proportion
Now that I see, it was the perfect concoction
The ground was already cracked, if you haven’t noticed, when you stomped on it with or without intention
The timing was great, everything…oh and the acting…might just even be worth the mention

2011-02-28T22:33:00.001+08:00

I poured an assortment of nuts and what nots into a container. My big bro: you belong in there. Me: why? My big bro: cuz you're a random nut. Haha!

I got my first pay from an official job on Saturday! So eggcited! N it's in a green packet some more! :)

Okay RESULTS. As it inches closer I become more nervous. I'll be hiding under a rock or something. You won't find me,hopefully. I need some time to grieve/mourn/be traumatized/be mute. My days of ignorance-is-bliss are soon to be over. I'm preparing to get smacked in the face by a gigantic hand. I think this is all I can ever think about this week. Things after march 4 2.30pm won't be good. Sometimes believing is just not enough.

2011-02-19T12:19:00.005+08:00

AHHH i love waking up late in the morning! Today is the day i can relax. I've survived one week of work now. It's so tiring for my eyes, staring at the computer screen almost throughout the day. I'm still learning and getting used to everything there. And getting up at 6 every morning, the same time I wake up for school. When I run late, it's like an adventure on public transport. Squeezing for your life on the train and brisk walking to the interchange to catch the bus. I'm impressed by how people actually squeeze like there's no tomorrow. haha. Due to my lack of accounts/finance knowledge, it's not easy learning the ropes. Which makes me realise even more that i'm not interested in business/ finance kind of thing. I literally had to learn from scratch because they are all foreign to me. Sometimes my mind tend to drift away when i do repetitive things that do not require thinking. Then i end up going back and checking my work again to make sure. Now then i know what my mum always say when i spend a lot of money: qian bu rong yi zhuan ah. haha. Well, this will be an experience for me. Oh, i banged my head really really really hard on thursday, on my way out of the library after giving tuition. I guess i was super hungry and tired and didn't aim properly. I thought i did, before the sound from my head against metal shutter door reminded me that i didn't. My head was still throbbing when i walked to the mrt. My poor head. I banged it when i was in Taiwan and again now. I hope my skull is thick enough to withstand all these torture. haha.

I am so happy it's the weekend and i can revert to myself again. When i come home from work, I talk more than i ever did in the office. I don't know if it's because i've just started out and i'm not very familiar with everyone or the office setting. I just have this 'energy' build up inside me that no matter how tired i am, i need to release it. And then there's the generation gap thing. Anyway, the main thing was, i came back and went to buy groceries with my brothers and my mum. And it was the most fun thing i did for the entire week. Some people might think, go grocery shopping fun meh? But it was for me, because of the people i went with. While shopping the aisles with my brothers, i felt like i've found back the me i've lost somewhere somehow for the week. In the office, my mouth didn't have to exercise a lot. But at the supermarket, i just wouldn't let my mouth rest for a second. Then comes the annoying part. Usually when we go buy groceries, we tend to pack a trolley overflowing with stuff. When i look at the trolley, i wonder how we can manage to finish them within a week or so. But we always do and we eat like normal. Not stuffing ourselves like pigs like that. Haha. But yesterday, we had 2 trolleys overflowing with things. One trolley was for my dad, because his company gave him allowance to stock up the food there. And the other trolley was for our survival. So as we were queueing up with 2 trolleys full of stuff, we suddenly became the tourist attraction. This is not the first time happening. It always somehow manages to attract attention when you buy that kind of amount of things. But yesterday was the most annoying out of all the times. Maybe because the supermarket was quite small and the cashier area was small and everyone was so near to one another. Anyway, i know people will stare. And it's not that i mind because, really, it's getting old. So i like to imitate their actions. When they look at us, i will look back. It's so fun to see them catching my eye and looking away, trying to pretend that they weren't just staring. And then their eyes will somehow shift back to us again and i will still be looking at them. Haha! People, it was so not obvious, really. haha. The entire queue next to us took turns staring at us. I mean, okay la, if i were to see a family buy 2 trolley full of groceries i would be surprised too. But i won't stare like some underground potato who has not seen anything like it before. There is something called: it's not nice to stare at other people. ok i shall begin my angry speech here. To all the starers: You also don't see me staring at you like some poor peasant if you only have a few things in a basket. Maybe that's all you need for that time. OHKAY. So don't assume that we are gluttons or whatever your stares meant just because we have 2 full trolleys. We obviously have our reasons and by staring the hardest you could, the answer wouldn't fly out and hit you. Although i wish it did. Haha.There was this super annoying couple, they just cannot keep their eyes off of us. All the way from when they were queueing to when they were paying at the cashier. I told my big bro about people staring, he said: let them stare la, we can afford they cannot afford ma. And he purposely said it quite loudly. This can be mean and wrong in so many ways but i don't feel bad about it. It's a petty retaliation against you starers. ha! haha. I could see from the corner of my eyes people were looking and listening when my 2nd bro was talking to my mum about how much each trolley would roughly cost. And there was nobody behind us in the queue. I guess everyone was afraid to after they saw the amount of things we have. Ok done. I've gotten it off my chest. For yesterday and all the other times. I know it will happen again the next time. So, since i'm bored queueing and you're bored queueing, let's play a game! haha.

There were some things we did that others might see as not, for the lack of better words, 'glam'. Like my mum talking as though for the whole world to hear and my 2nd bro squatting down a while because he was tired. Sometimes, actually most of the times, there is no difference between my mum talking and shouting. I always tell her i think she cong shan shang lai de. You know, like when they call out each other from the mountain top to the bottom. haha. So anyway, through all of this, i still had fun. I wouldn't trade 'glamness' for fun. It's not like i have any 'glamness' to trade with in the first place.haha!

The other day, when i came back from work, Titanic was on Channel 5. I was supposedly watching it but didn't pay much attention to it because i've watched it like a thousand times. But there was this part when Jack said: 'I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up.' This kind of inspired me, or even gave me a little bit of courage. Because i am terrified of the unknown.

2011-02-09T18:06:00.022+08:00

Do not downplay my experience. Just because you are older and has gone through more does not mean my experience is any less significant in my life. Yes, you shouldn't give advice, just listen. I should have known when to stop instead of persisting on with something i know I would never get from you. I am trying my hadest to pull your opinions down from the top and slowly pushing mine up, because the frustrating thing is, I am easily affected by what you say. From something I feel so proud of, to shattered pieces under the force of your words. I want to enjoy the freedom of feeling however I want to and not let you dictate what I should be feeling proud of. It sounds so easy when I said it, but you think I'd be feeling this way if it were like a walk in the park? You think you are giving, but you are taking away more than you know. It will make you feel better about yourself, but not the one who made that possible. Sometimes the simplest of things are the hardest to get. You know how it feels when you see that excited face beaming with pride as she listens to your story. For once, I would love to see that face too. All I ask for is your acknowledgment and to feel proud of me. But it's like a dog chasing its own tail.

2011-01-26T22:33:00.003+08:00

As i look into those eyes i thought could never falter
I could hear the waves crashing through the pillar
I have never felt so scared in my life
In the blistering cold, you pushed me to dive

Should have never put you on that pedastal
Who was i to think you'd never fall
It's so ridiculously high nobody could survive up there
Maybe you've finally threw your hands up because it's not fair

I could honestly say i never saw you the same since that day
A part of me that has always been intact just ripped away
You, of all people, should be blinded by all my insanity
But for the first time, you lifted your finger and pointed at me

So if the world pointed to the vase where i hid it
Try as i might, there is nothing for me to admit
I would still hear the vase smash
Because it is the trust we don't have

2011-01-24T12:47:00.002+08:00

i learnt a lot of life skills from my newly appointed life skill coach yesterday! haha. we talked a lot about some interesting topics and i've realised a lot of things. i am definitely more 'knowledgeable' about certain things now haha. we used a lot of colourful metaphors to tell our 'story' in public! haha. but its quite disheartening to know some things, but they are the truth. anyway it was so fun talking to yx and kh though yn couldn't make it. but we were quite unlucky as we couldn't eat at both the places we planned to. one was full and the other was closed on alternate sundays. lol. and yesterday was that alternate sunday. but dinner at IKEA was fun! i was shocked at yx's appetite! and his princess cake was actually quite nice! haha. and i totally missed a heck of a good show! thanks to kh. at first tell me my 1 or 2 o clock and i was looking in the totally wrong direction at totally the wrong people. then later when i was finally looking at the right direction, he made me look at the wrong pair of socks. my spot was perfect because it was blocked by yx and his food. haha no la. we almost wanted to change my feng shui but it would be too obvious. in the end, the pair of socks left, and i didn't even get to see the colour of them. as kh said: zhen de hen mei you yuan. hanorh!

2011-01-22T10:01:00.000+08:00

19/01/11
Was a fun day. I had a blast! It was so good to see her again. And all the funny things we did. We went to check out rock&ash and there was this girl giving out discount flyers outside. Across it was another restaurant and we went to check that out also before making the big life changing decision we will ever make for that afternoon. Haha. Because we couldn't decide, I told her we should ask the girl from the other restaurant: do you think your restaurant or that restaurant is cheaper? So qian bian.Haha! Of course we didn't ask and our final decision was made. Rock&ash. It was not because of the discount flyer -wink wink- I'm serious. :p then comes deciding on what to order. It wasn't easy ( although we didn't have a lot to choose from). We came up with this genius plan. For me, it was a battle between dory fish and mushroom baked rice. For her it was a battle between kao ma ling shu( I insist on saying in mandarin!) or dory fish. So if the kao ma ling shu had beef she would take the dory fish and i would take the baked rice. If the kao ma ling shu doesn't have beef she would take it and i would take the dory fish. So basically it was up to her to see if she will take the kmls so that I will take the dory fish. If not, then she would take dory and i would take baked rice. I just repeated it so that it sounds more complicated than it is. Haha. But still. So genius right? After helped us ordered, she just remembered that she wanted spicy cheese fries too and there was another guy behind us in the queue. So when we are about to return to our seats she went back to the counter again and I saw the guy's face. It was awkward. Haha. I remembered as I dipped my fries into the cheese, I told her: eh this cheese is spicy leh! Then she said: because this is spicy cheese, remember? And I just said a dumb thing, yet again in front of her. We had quite a long lunch, eating and talking and stuff. Then came the bubble tree shop incident. So we just stood there staring at the menu above, I was unable to decide what to order. We stood there for a quite a while, laughing as she imitated the staff's accent (she was there the other time) and saying that the two staff standing behind the counter must be thinking why are these two people standing in front of the store and laughing. While I was deciding, she got to hear the conversation between the two staff. They must be feeling the same way as we did. After a long while, I decided not to buy anything and we left. It was so funny because can you imagine 2 people standing there in front of a store and kept laughing and walk away. We have just earned ourselves the title of weirdos to the 2 of them there. We finally settled at Starbucks to watch the movie '15'. While the videos were loading, we had our fun little beauty pageant event. It was so hilarious and one contestant managed to cling onto the top spot for some time while the other was getting pushed further behind as more contestants came into it. She couldn't believe my expert judgement. So yeah the movie was about the life of ah bengs in Singapore. I will forever remember this particular scene because it was so touching. It was more romantic than titanic. Haha. It was definitely worthy of the AWW SO SWEET moment for me. Haha! It was a nice movie with a lot of hokkien which i don't understand and outbursts of songs in hokkien. 小姐，可以做个朋友吗？不要这样dao leh。为什么你这样dao? These lovely words are said to a dustbin. And random stranger on the steet: eh 你们pon sch ah? 我也是。可以拿你的电话号马吗？2 ah bengs: 好ah. 以后你打给我们我们一起pon. Haha! After the movie we took lots of pictures pretty much the same pose. Her fringe ah, Aiyo. Haha! We also realized our potential to become horror movie actresses. Just look at us with our eyes wide open. Truly horrific. Guarantee to induce puke,nausea or putting one leg in front of the other repeatedly in quick motion in opposite direction. Hahaha. As we were walking back, we passed by bubble tree again. We should go and stand there again. Haha! Thanks soulmate for a wonderful day! :) I really enjoyed it and hope we can do it some time again. :D

2011-01-08T23:18:00.001+08:00

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here." - Richard Dawkins

In the end it will be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end. - unknown

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.-anonymous

"My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations." - -- Michael J. Fox

2010-05-10T10:04:00.013+08:00

i'm 2 days late in posting this but i wrote this on saturday
but last saturday was one of the best and wonderful times in my life! :D

so a few days before dong xue asked me what time i'll be going to school today
i only knew the day before so i told her on yesterday night
she also asked me what was my favourite number
i said i don't have but i like 3
then she said we got telepathy and i'll know why tomorrow morning
i was wondering why she want to meet me before i go to school today
I was so touched by what she did
I told her I’ll be at the bus stop at 6.45am and when I reached the first floor I saw her standing afar
when she saw me she pushed a something behind the pillar with her leg
when i finally approached her she handed me this bag of 3 stalks of fake cushiony flowers and some snacks!
and she told me that she only bought 3 stalks, that’s why we got telepathy!
It’s so amazing!
i'm really touched by the fact that she got up so early in the morning just to meet me and give me the flowers and snacks(because she could not come for the performance)
and she was so thoughtful to give me some snacks in case i got hungry later at vch
she is such an AWESOME friend! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
THANKS dong xue!!

my guzheng family planned to camwhore the entire day
and we did!
our initial target was to hit over 100 photos but later we increased it to 200 haha
i think we took close to 200 photos? or maybe more?
we were damn busy, sweaty and all over the place but everything was worth it!
I was so happy on today!
Okay, although the organization skills of the co teachers are really horrible, i shall not talk about that
I really had fun camwhoring today and spending the day with my guzheng friends.
Time passed by quite fast actually. Because I was really enjoying myself.
then came the performance
The performance was quite messy and all over the place but the audience couldn’t tell. So it was okay!
when i got home and listened to what my 2nd brother recorded it sounded alright :)
And I was sitting right smack in the centre at the first row.
Everyone could get a clear view of me.
while waiting backstage for our turn, I was damn nervous, because this time round my entire family and my friends came to support me.
I felt quite pressured because playing in front of people you know makes you more stressed. When I got up the stage a heard my name being shouted a lot times
i was surprised because i really didn't expect this
i heard my mum first then somewhere else
i heard nasuha and saiful and i'm not really sure about this but i heard atika and hui ying?
then I saw my mother waving frantically at me and I waved back naturally.
Then later I thought: oh no, I’m not supposed to wave.
Then I saw that my family is sitting in the centre the second row. So near me!
then later I spotted nasuha, saiful and jia qiang also in the second row but at the side.
Then I was like wah all of them sit so near.
Must be the kiasu type! I like! Haha!
and I forgot to tune one of the strings and i only realised it when i started playing
and I was like oh crap
Then later when bowen was playing her solo I tried to shift my ma. then my friends told me they were like thinking: everyone sitting still, why is wanen shifting her ma. lol.
Later my brothers told me that when I was shifting my ma, they said: see, she’s playing with her guzheng. haha!
Then after the performance my 2nd brother did something really shocking and surprising and amazing and OHMYGODDAMNSO AWESOME!
He actually stood up and started clapping enthusiastically and kept on shouting my name, like: wooh!! Wanen go!! Wanen!!!
When I saw that I was like laughing like crazy.
it's sooooo funny!!!
because he's the only one who stood up
I never thought he would do something like this.
It really made me feel so happy inside! :D
and I saw my mother smacking my 2nd brother’s arm to ask him to sit down. Haha!
during the intermission I went to find nasuha, saiful and jia qiang and my family. The borats gave me my present, which is a mug that says ‘best actress’ with a lot of balls and chocolate inside. And also a flower!
when i saw them i hugged all of them!
I was so happy that they came to support me!
and atika gave me a rose!
I think zhong yun and hui yun requested to meet my 2nd brother because they saw what he did for me at the end of the performance and I brought them to meet my family.
Later yu lin and chun yan came to find me and I think they saw my family too!
i was thinking wah after what my 2nd bro did, he became an instant celebrity and so many people wanted to meet him! haha!
Saiful later told me he kept calling my name! haha!
My brothers later asked me: eh you sure you got play? (jokingly) haha!
But the downside of today is that it’s my last performance in jc and also last time together with cca people.
Oh and I just found out that actually my big bro wanted to give me standing ovation also but my 2nd brother passed the camera to him and he could not stand.
Imagine if the both of them stood and clapped and shouted my name. haha!
actually i forgot who told me that she thought the person who stood up and clapped and shouted was some enthu chinese man who loved the music lol!!!
it's so funny and amazing because the bond between me and my brothers is so special
i have always been the crazy one and always will be, joking and playing around with them
they are not used to seeing me so serious and proper(during the performance)
so it's like they decided to joke back with me by being so crazy to stand up and keep clapping and shouting my name
even though the performance wasn't really that awesome
you know this kind of special relationship is really indescribable
i really feel really lucky to have 2 such wonderful brothers who love me like crazy
and i love them like crazy! :D (can be in literal sense)
and I feel so happy knowing that so many people supports me and I have a wonderful fantastic awesome incredible family and friends!!
i remember in the dressing room after the performance
Gwen said my family is damn nice/funny (can't remember the exact word)
that's why i'm like that
(after she found out the guy doing the solo standing ovation was my 2nd brother) when i heard that i was so happy
it's really a huge compliment to me!
and coming from gwen haha!
oh during the intermission i found out that my dad wasn't there and my brother told me that he went to park the car and never came in lol!
so it's only my mum, my big bro and his gf and my 2nd bro
At the end of the day, I smsed dong xue to thank her again for her snacks and told her about the performance and how happy I was and I told her a lot of people shouted my name, then she replied: I should record my voice beforehand and shout your name together with the rest of the people. Haha!
Then the next day when myla replied me she said next time she’ll make banner for me to make it up to me(because she couldn’t make it also)
photos on fb!

a BIG THANK YOU to
atika for the rose!
dong xue for the flowers and snacks!
borats (nasuha, saiful and jia qiang) for my bday present and the flower!
my 2nd brother for doing such a crazy thing for me!
my big brother, who wanted to the same crazy thing for me!
those who came and supported me!(which includes people above)
my family!
my guzheng family for the wonderful times! :D

THANKS FOR SUPPORTING
ME! :D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D

oh when i finally reached home on saturday nightmy mum told me that my brothers suggested
to go eat mac the next morning at 6am
because my 2nd bro have to return to camp and my big bro is going to run to train for ippt
and she said she and i could go run afterwards, which we did
i think it's so crazy because i only slept for 4 hours on friday night
and after surviving a very very hectic day of rehearsal, camwhoring and performance with only 4 hours of sleep
i still got up at 5.30 on sunday morning, after having slept for 5 hours
so for 2 days, i only had 9 hours of sleep, which is definitely not enough for me
but i slept for 10 hours today! :)

2010-04-25T13:21:00.009+08:00

everyone wants people to treat them nice

in a chilling cold weather, would you rather drink a cup of hot chocolate or a cup of icy cold water?

i think the answer is obvious

so is the truth lying in fron of me

the feeling is indescribable

when your feelings don't match your actions

it's like screaming in space

no one can hear you

and no one can even see that you are screaming

it's like you want to start

but didn't know where to start

it's like you want to do

but didn't know how to do

it's like you want to say

but didn't know how to say

and the moment just passed you by

you have missed it

and now comes regret

how you wish to turn back time to the moment

you would've done something different

but you can never go back

and the regret's here to stay

soon will come a time

when we realise that it's not the amount of things we say

it's the things we don't say that matters

soon will come a time

when we realise when it comes down to it

it's those who doesn't say much that shines so much brighter than those who says a lot

what is real and what is true

only time will tell

and if we are mature enough to realise it

like a diamond in the sand

it won't be right smack in front of you for you to see

that's the beauty of it

there's a reason for everything

it's just whether you bother to find out
nth my not silence for is

2010-04-18T23:40:00.002+08:00

如果你做人能做得那么绝......

2010-04-17T19:44:00.001+08:00

"it's not a curse, it's just you're damn suay"

won't delve into details now, but i know for sure that i have learnt and will learn a lot from my life in jc

2010-03-26T22:35:00.004+08:00

Went to fetch my 2nd bro at changi naval base ytd.
He’s coming back from ns training in Taiwan.
When me and my big bro saw a group of people coming out, immediately recognized my 2nd bro from afar.
I recognized the way he walked. It was so comical. It was an exaggerated tired walking. I told my big bro : confirm that one is him. See, walk until like that. Nobody would walk like that.
It’s either him or I just insulted a random stranger. Haha!
Actually I’m not that confident that it’s him, but I just have that feeling it would be him.
And it really is! When we saw him carrying all his stuff walking towards us.
He brought a lot of stuff back, like food, chocolates and souvenirs!
And the kind of chocs he bought was damn unique.
I found it very interesting!
decided not to show the pic because some ppl might not be able to take it
Haha
he also bought me this Winnie the pooh that can play and dance and also a Patrick mallet when you hit it will have the boing~ sound. So cute!

He told us that most of the stuff he bought is at bargained price.
Then my mum was like wah my son has learnt the way of his mother.
Hahaha!
Yeah my big bro drove us there but my 2nd bro drove us back.
He just got his drivers license and wanted to try to drive.
At first I wasn’t so confident because I didn’t want to die(kidding!)
but I just don’t want anything to happen to them.
But anyways, with the guidance of my mum and my big bro, he drove us back.
And on the car, I was sitting behind. From behind, when I looked at my 2nd bro in the driver’s seat, driving, I told my mum: you see. Your son grow up already hor. Can drive le.
I felt a bit like how a mother would when her child has grown up and starts to do stuff that adults would do.
I think it’s because the age difference between my 2nd bro and I is smaller than with my big bro, so it’s like we grow up together and do everything together since young, and now he knows how to drive le, makes me feel like this is a new stage in his life, he is slowing becoming an adult.
He is growing up.
Because I’m used to feeling like we are still kids. I remember the times when none of us knew how to drive, now, the 2 of them knows how to drive, except me.
but that means they can drive me around! Haha.
Yeah, i felt the same way when my big bro first started driving, but when I saw my 2nd bro driving, it felt more weird because for my big bro, because he’s the eldest, so naturally, he’s more responsible and the adult figure among us 3, so it’s not that weird.
But for my 2nd bro, I still view him as a kid and have the feeling that we are still kids.
I feel that it’s a bigger step for him.
Oh well, we all have to grow up.
But I know we will forever act like kids, be childish and have fun together. :D
dancing pooh! :)

2010-03-22T16:44:00.013+08:00

i alighted at my opposite my house bus stop just now
and something amazing happened
it was raining heavily and i didn't have an umbrella so i couldn't cross the road
i was calling my big bro to ask him to come down and fetch me
then i don't know why i turned around
and this just asked if i wanted to share umbrella with her
soooooo damn nice la!
i'm like a complete stranger to her and yet she offered
i kept saying thank you to her
omg i won't forget her kindness!
how many strangers would offer to share umbrella with you?
i told my big bro about this and he said: rare hor?
me: but she doesn't sound local
him: yeah you think singaporeans would share meh?
me: yeah lor, if it were me, i wouldn't
him: see?
lol!
so i wanted to blog today because of this and another thing
earlier today my big bro smsed to ask what time i'm coming home
when i reached home, when i was going to open the door, i saw him coming out from my room
i went on to open the metal front door and when i turned around he was standing half a metre away from me already
i was like woah since when he became so fast
then later he slide the glass panel dividing the balcony and the living room close
and asked me to stay where i am
while he ran off
so sneaky!
then when i'm finally allowed to entered, i asked him what was that?
he didn't say
so i entered my room and i saw this huge bag of stuff on my table
i was shocked, I kept staring at that thing
so that’s why he’s so sneaky!
it was my birthday present!!! :D
before i opened, i asked him what it was
he said it's something i can wear
hhmmmm
it turns out to be a spongebob cushion and a spongebob trash can!
omg! i was ecstatic la!
it's like i got the whole package of spongebob already!
dong xue gave me a spongebob pencil case, now i have a spongebob cushion and spongebob trash can!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
my big bro said: you're the first person i see who's so happy about getting a trash can
HAHAHAHA! :D

where my present was when i entered the room, except that it was still wrapped

spongebob cushion! cute right!

yeah, this is what my big bro is referring to when he said it's something i can wear haha!

spongebob cushion!

spongebob trash can face #1!

spongebob trash can face #2!

face #3!

this is the pencil case dong xue gave me. before i opened the present she told me it's something i could use in my uni. lol! haha!

the pile of 22 PLASTIC BAGS that dong xue used to wrapped my present! at first it was big enough to look like a bag, but as i unwrap, it became smaller until i suspected that she might have wrapped a peanut! lol

another look at the pile

i just heard from my mum that a lady offered to share umbrella with her just now too

so i guess maybe it's not that uncommon?

but nonetheless, i'm still very grateful towards that lady! :)

2010-03-19T19:40:00.006+08:00

ok here's a brief summary of my holidays so far

13/03- went to suntec city for 2010 IT show to look for camera with my big bro and his gf. had dinner at manhattan fish market around 8 plus. the service is very good and the portions are big until we had to da bao home. lol. the second time this happened. the quality of the food was also good. saw a bunch of nj people who sat beside us. returned home around 10plus.

14/03-after my guitar lesson, my big bro and i went to suntec city to actually buy the camera. we finally bought the canon ixus 105. we ended up leaving late because there were a lot of things to settle and it was all over the place and it was jam packed with people so it's difficult to move around. my big bro says you can experience india every three months in singapore. lol. the initial plan was to go running with dx at 5.30pm but it rained so me and my big bro packed some snacks home. reached home around 8pm

15/03-went boratic outing to seoul garden. the buffet was until 4pm and that's when we left, on the dot. haha. jq was the soup manager and nas and i found our secret talent for making ice kachang. we can start an ice kachang business and an orf(oldruralfemale) store across num. lol. busy eating pictures will be on fb. haven't upload yet. after that went shopping with my mum at jp. reached home around 10pm

16/03-went ice skating with myla. it was both our first time there. luckily i knew how to roller blade, so that helped a bit. but the music they play was like those elegant graceful music but we're skating like so not graceful, like random spasms throughout, trying to keep balance. myla skated until she was sweating. haha. although they claimed to be the biggest ice skating rink in sg, it's disappointingly small. at night i went bowling with my big bro. i lost both rounds to him. the first round was okay and the second round became worse. my max ball speed was 14km/h and his was 20++km/h, that's why i could never strike! not enough force to strike all the pins down. then went to eat pepper lunch. my 2nd bro wasn't here because he's training in taiwan. reached home around 10plus.

and i wanna say thanks to all those who wished me happy birthday:

Dad- the first person! immediately after he came back from work

my big bro- came out of his room a while after my dad. he wanted to give me something enclosed in his fist. when he grabbed my hand and tried to give me the thing, i had a spastic struggle because i thought he was going to put dead cockroach or some creepy crawlies in my hand. he actually just wanted to give me a mint sweet. haha

my 2nd bro- he called back from taiwan but i wasn't home to answer the phone

via sms: huey fen, myla, kok haw, hui yun, you jing, suying, atika, sarannya, valerie, gwen, bok, yu xuan, fiona, hui ying, miao ling, pamela, dong xue, zhong yun,daisy, sean, chunjing, kaywei, jocelyn

via fb(including those that's auto) jovita, caleb, qini, jolene, soon lai, see mun, leeling, venus, atiqah, jason, zheng han, syafinah, siying, kelyn, yuan zhi, jocelyn, weiling, dong xue

presents: hui ying & you jing, liu xin, hui yun, kaywei, bowen, xuemu, carol, yuan ting, mum, myla, gwen, dong xue, atika & sarannya

17/03- went for guzheng camp in the morning. left in the afternoon for medical appointment at NUH. i was surprised to see my mum's friend and my guzheng senior at some pharmacy there. what a small world. then dong xue met me to pass me my present. then i went Shin Kushiya for family dinner for my birthday. the food was great. esp the cod fish roe pasta and the cheese sushi! reached home around 11 plus. then as requested by dong xue, i asked my big bro to help me video down the process of opening my present. she wanted to see my reaction. at first, i doubt whether i'll have any reaction but i ended being quite whiney in the video -.- and a lot of reactions. i'll upload the video soon if possible. all i can say is, i didn't expect her to do this back to me x10 times the impact but it was fun unwrapping the present this way.

18/03- went guzheng camp in the morning. left in the afternoon for lsf gathering/bonding session. later went home to bathe and went back to tiong bahru to meet ES.we explored the malls in the area and ate dinner at bukit panjang plaza de xing wang taiwan cafe. went back to lot 1 to take bus back. reached home around 11 plus. we made our names represent different characteristics. wanen means bochap( i also don't know why lol), kok haw means complain. yu xuan means bitchy. lol and kh told me that his bro knows who i am because in PRIMARY 1, i repeat, PRIMARY 1, i wore this kuku specs and had this red bag and his bro thought that i look like liang xi mei. so long already still rmb leh! haha. i didn't know my look could make such a deep impression. lol

ok i realised this is not a brief summary at all. haha. i will upload the photos/video soon.
and the best part is i still haven't started any of my hw! so screwed.

btw i wanted to share something i heard from the lsf session but i don't know why can't copy and paste here. too lazy to type now. i'll do it another day then :)

2010-03-04T19:31:00.002+08:00

you gain some you lose some

screw it

2010-02-16T22:02:00.004+08:00

okay so i went to explore haji lane with yu xuan and kok haw today
it's quite interesting except that most of the shops were closed
i don't mind going back again
and it was a very short adventure
i was like: huh? end already ah?
it's really just one lane
haha
oh! there's this buidling called parkview square
i think it looks very nice, like batman gotham city style kind of building
pictures are on facebook
i'm very satisfied with the pictures because they are very clear! :D
then we went tampines
went to what mall is that called again?
then it was like 5 plus already and i had to go off soon for dinner at my mum's friend's house
i will always remember squirrel nut! haha
today was fun because we said a lot of funny stuff and laughed a lot
too bad yan ngee couldn't make it :(

i'm thinking of switching to tumblr because it looked quite cool
maybe someday when i have the time :)

2010-02-13T09:35:00.003+08:00

i won't forget who you are
but i'll forget who you are to me
that's as good as not having known you at all
all the moments in time
turn to shiny dusts
and fly away to a place that will never be found
because you let go
so i let go
with these tired hands
shaking from gripping on to a rope
that only slips away
like a child who first lost grip of his balloon
he chases after it
desperately trying to catch it
but at that moment,
the string brushes against his hand and floats up into the sky
the balloon has slipped in front of his eyes
he feels sad
but then he took a step back
and saw that the balloon floating against the clear blue sky
it actually looked beautiful and he smiled
because at that moment, he has let go
from his heart
sometimes in life, you just have to let go
no matter how much you fight inside
it's just your fight with yourself
like heck, it's not as though the person knows you're fighting
things i do not say does not mean i don't know
i've noticed and honestly it makes me sad
things i do not do does not mean i don't want to, but i don't know how to
don't look at me like i'm dead to you
don't look at me like i'm not there
don't look at me but see past me
whatever your reasons, i do miss it
because it brought laughter to me
i was smiling inside the whole time
like you're desperately trying to speak
but left speechless upon the first word
like you wanna do something
but left numb upon the first movement
i do care, but on the outside, i look like a block of cold hard ice
i need to be hammered to break the front
you know the nagging feeling that tells you it's time to let something go
well, it's not really here yet
i'm just waiting for the moment
for something to see
for something to hear
for something to tell me
it's time to let go

i may not talk much about you
but it's all for the better
so i won't curse it
if you have someone in mind, you're probably wrong
because i do not care enough about you
to write something about you

2010-01-27T22:47:00.006+08:00

i went to watch alvin and the chipmunks 2 today
storyline wasn't as good as i thought it would be
but i got to see theodore! haha
but my bag was damn screwed
because i smuggled subway in and the barley water spilled into my bag
so my pencil box and all the stationary are screwed, my guzheng nails are screwed, my calculator was screwed and my newly bought socks!
everything's screwed!
and the best thing was that at the end of the movie
i put my pencil box on my lap and when i lift it up
the barley water that was secretly stored inside spilled onto my skirt
i swear it looked damn wrong and spot where i got wet
and gwen was like barley doesn't stain right?
i was like: barley stains?!
luckily it didn't
and my bag was reduced to a lump of thing inside a watsons plastic bag lol
although my bag was screwed it was still okay today :D
love the stuff at forever 21 :)
something's different recently....
feel so UNORIGINAL

2010-01-26T17:06:00.014+08:00

again, didn't have the chance to blog that day
so i'm going to do it, 3 days later lol
okay i went hort park with nas jq and saiful to celebrate jq's birdday
we met at je
as usual, nas and saiful were the latest
they are the best
around 4 plus i called them they still buying cake
no wait, they were still trying to find a cake
haha
and i'm on top of nas's list! because i owe her since last august and among the 'impressive' list i seemed to owe the most money
but i finally returned already! finally
that means i no longer topping the list X)
oh! i was the 'flash' girl that day because
i wore this shirt that says 'flash!' in front and when
nas first saw me she saw the flash!
i didn't know it was so aa (even though i meant for it to be)
haha!
we da bao pizza to go there and picnic
our attempt of a picnic was awesome
we had a lot of 'company' as we ate lol
when we first reached there was this hyderabad road there
then we were like: eh we reached karthik's place
hahaha
soon we caught eye of a geisha at the information place
when we were about to ask how to go to this awesome place
with a big white chair we saw on the map (later we found out it had been vandalised. dang those kids! haha)
oh yeah, we were there and nas saw this geisha
i think they were cosplay and having photoshoot there
i thought she was a bride or something trying to nbe unique
yeah so we followed her intensely
actually following intensely means chasing like crap after her
yeah, it involves running X)
i felt like we were paparazzi, chasing some superstar with a camera
we chased her for quite a distance and she stopped
then we tried to take a picture of her in a subtle professional paparazzi manner
so we pretended to take a picture of us in front but actually she'll be in the picture, just behind
the pictures are on fb can go see
you can see that the pictures i have with nas there's always a geisha behind somewhere in the background
then there's this picture you will ask wah who took this damn professional photo
it's the one with 90% of my face and 10% of nas's face
it was our independent attempt to take a picture with the geisha
and yeah, there's no geisha in that photo
hahaha
but all the pictures with the geisha are mostly of her back
then later nas said that the geisha face look mean, not nice
lol
we saw some pretty nice nature-y stuff
like there are the little 'houses' for people to rest in
then we had our meal at this house
and we took more cheese packets than we need from the pizza hut
i have proof! all nas fault, so glutton! XD
we created busyeating.com
as seen from the pictures, our spokesperson, saiful, is always busy eating
we have pictures from all angles hahah
then we came to this fish tank
and we made up a love story of this 2 fish which were shy to 'mate' lol
i pity the fish
they didn't know what was going on and there's this 4 crazy people outside helping them create story about themselves lol
we were like: aiya, don't act shy la ( when the fish swam past each other and swam away)
we also saw this golf cart and we wanted to drive it around
so after our break, we saw this empty one then quickly sat on it and took a picture before anyone saw us
nas and i also laid 2 gigantic eggs!
we imagined like we're in the amazing race
we were apparently forever the last team
there were these 2 roadblocks
one was this ball of thing and another one where we had to roll the ball into the centre
we got stuck at the 2nd one for 5 hours
okay la not that long lol
then it started to turn dark
we planned to walk to henderson wave to eat cake then continue further down
but after eating the cake, we decided to go back as it's a safer route
so we walked like 2.4 km? back and forth lol
while walking we had some interesting music to accompany us
thanks to jq lol
we played that song while eating the cake too
at long last we finally made it out, after walking don't know how much and sweating how much hahaha
it was very fun, although we had to walk a lot
it's some sort of an adventure, and we're damn appropriately dressed for such activities
saiful said my birthday go sungei buloh lol
but we had to delay jq's present because it's damn rush the arrangement and everything

oh! when i got home that day i was in my bros' room
then i had this spastic face on and i kept looking at them
first my big bro, then i turned to my 2nd bro
then he kept turning back to look and i had to keep taht spastic face up
out of curiosity, i wanted to see how that spastic face looked like
i was lazy to get a mirror and since i had my camera with me i decided to take a picture of myself with that face to see how it looks like
turns out it's very spastic
then i tried different expressions, see the degree of spasticness
then my big bro was sitting on the bed looking at me with the weird look and said: eh you cam whore ah?
then later i thought, why be spastic myself
i should let them enjoy my spasticness also
so i took pictures with my 2nd bro and also my big bro when he came back into the room
what a spastic night so fun!
i like the spastic pictures!
my mouth was so big it could fit a watermelon in most of the pictures
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
here are the 2 spastic pictures out from the random spasticness album XD
here's one with my big bro granting my wish of being a siao cha bo XD

oh, a great idea for online game character name character: swordsman,

character: hunter

as created by my 2nd bro

i think it's ingenious, it's so easy to remember the character type if you have multiple characters lolololololol

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

2010-01-25T22:44:00.004+08:00

i will never forget that look
that look as though I'm dead to you
why did you kill me?

2010-01-23T14:39:00.010+08:00

okay
i went out with Gwen on wednesday
didn't get the chance to blog about it
so i'm doing it now haha
We were walking out of school,
We were talking about mitchel musso,
i told her his surname spelled backwards is ossum (pronounced awesome)
not orsarm (as pronounced by Gwen lol)
and then i asked her to guess my surname spelled backwards.
she thought i was going to say something smart
But I just said “ gnnnn” like what kay wei told me.
she couldn’t stop laughing.
Until she wanted to die but cannot stop laughing.
it was the moment and the way i said it that made it so farney
I got my turn on the bus.
We were talking talking.
Then I made this noise for no reason.
she asked what noise is that
so i said it’s my signature noise(as if)
it’s some low growl
then she imitated this voice like when you win lottery
and the person is announcing it
so she said: congratulations you just won the lottery! (~growl~)
I laughed until I wanted to die.
I couldn’t stop but my ears cheeks and stomach were freaking painful.
I was running out of breath but I couldn’t stop.
It’s those kind of feeling you feel you’re in so much pain that you would rather die than continue laughing but you just can’t stop.
okay maybe it's not funny when i said it here but at that moment ooohhhhmmmmmyyyggggooooddddd
We weredamn crappy and crapped throughout the day.
Then we went ion to exchange her shoes.
Then went borders.
Then walking all the way to plaza sing. Stopped by 313 on the way. Almost died. Like marathon. Went hmv. Realized we like the same awesome taste in comedy as me.
we both liked how I met your mother, especially barney stinson, friends etc.
We also discovered more stuff in common and like the same stuff.
We both have en in our names.(copy me! XD)
Both our bros have shang in their names.
We had dinner at ajisen.
Gwen admit it it’s worth the money!
she was complaining it’s damn fattening but still kept eating. Lol.
i remember i asked her about her crazy wedding idea.
She said the same stuff that I’ve thought about. Dang!
And I told her I had the most craziest one she cannot beat.
She said: outer space?
I kept quiet because she’s right on.
How could she have known!
Then I try to comfort myself by saying I bet you couldn’t beat what I imagined what would happen there.
And she described this champange thing and bubbles of champagne will float around
sounds damn fun
and I was like: damnit, her idea was better than mine. Lol!
She beat my ideas!
On the bus home.
we were talking about ambitions.
i asked her to guess what was my first ambition.
My clue: you could change history if you get lucky.
She answered: plumber?
Then we had our laughing fits again.
My god. Had a blast today.
Gonna have 6 packs tmr from all the laughing. Hahaha!
But then ate the value set meal for ajisen.
don’t think about the fat running through your body!
when i came home i was damn full.
i haven't eaten full meals for a long time already
i swore I couldn’t bend down. Lol.
It was quite crazy but fun.
at the bus stop waiting for bus to go home
we got reminded of the jokes that almost made us die today.
She said she thinking of me as a troll rolling around in mud.
at least now i know we have the same frequency
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
my big bro always shows me random funny/lame/cute videos
and here's one he showed me recently
i was in my spastic giggling fits when i was watching it

=====================================================
how it feels
to take it all in
and never speak a word of it
i know

2010-01-19T21:51:00.006+08:00

it's really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really vreally vreally vreally vreally hard to not think it's a curse.

i went to watch 'jump' with dong xue today
i thought it would be awesome because it's by stephen chow
but then it didn't live up to my expectations
all i can say it's really bland
like white porridge
haha
the funny thing was today while we were eating before the movie
dx: why you suddenly wanna watch this movie ah?
me: i thought you wanted to watch?
dx: i thought you wanted to watch?
me: no, i thought YOU wanted to watch?
dx: huh? i thought YOU wanted to watch?
we were going like this back and forth for don't know how long and our eyes grew bigger with each response
hahaha! we really dai gou leh. this kind of thing also can miscommunicate
she said next time must hire a translator for us :P
2 blur sotongs
it turns out that something something happened and we're both okay with watching the movie so we agreed and secretly we thought the other wanted to watch it more
or was it?
hahaha doesn't matter
and i'm still guessing what was the present she prepared for me
although she won't tell me
all she said was ask my brother video my response when i opened the present and put on youtube
she cannot wait to see my response
hmmm i really wonder what can make me have such a huge big humongous enormous gigantic blastic response
hahaha
i almost got the answer today: ba mao de
because she said something to do with watsons but not from there
and it's evil? lol
:D
oh oh! something ironic happened today
in the morning, while i was on the bus
i was thinking
i am in a point in my life where i wanted to do something else other than studying the most
and yet i must be putting my all into studying
it's like a test of tolerance
i'm just doing this for the sake of it
and then when i entered school
there was this banner that said: live your dream
from the hockey team
and i was thinking: yeah...i want to...but not here...i really can't live it here...

2010-01-08T14:18:00.006+08:00

just wanna share some really awesome dance(to me)
this is a dance group called 'diversity'
they won britain's got talent 2009
i really liked them because they're talented dancers and very entertaining and creative
they are the only dance group i've seen that always have surprises in every of their routines and makes me laugh haha
they make the dance seemed fun :)
should check out their other dance routines
freaking awesome! :)

(double click both videos to watch the bigger version)

this is a dance i saw a few years ago on the show called 'dance on sunset'this dance made a very deep impression on me because the choreography is awesome and the music is perfect their moves are like acting out the story of the song :)

2010-01-05T22:04:00.014+08:00

so i went out with myla today
you can say it was a bit like an adventure
haha sort of
because at first we headed to kap mac because she said she wanted to eat there
then we were talking on the bus until we reached the stop already then realised we were supposed to alight
luckily we alighted
then as we were walking there then she asked me
where are we going?
i said: i thought you said you wanted to eat here?
she said: huh so early?
then we were like we went to the wrong place
so then we planned to go queensway from there
but didn't know how to
lol
so i called my big bro
he's my walking talking map
everytime i don't know how to go to a place i'll call him and ask him how to go
haha
24/7 can call to ask for directions
can even call in the middle of the night haha
or i should try to call him from my bedroom one day ask him how to go to the kitchen
love to see the annoyance on his face XD
see i'm such a nice little sis X)
but then he didn't picked up
so we used her iphone to check the map
and i think it wasn't very helpful
we crossed 3 overhead bridges
because we thought it was in this direction but it wasn't so we had to cross over and found out the bus we wanted to take was not at the bus stop
so we crossed 3 times without getting anywhere
really like an awesome adventure
haven't even get started then get lost already
haha
then the iphone scam us one
ask us to take don't know what bus to go to the last stop
when the bus will pass by some queensway cl thing on the way
luckily we saw that
so then in the end we decided to go orchard first then later go queensway
it was quite an experience
because we were talking about days before
then we said it's really like dora huh, what an adventure lol
but it was fun because i don't mind getting lost
i like figuring out how to go a certain place
but when you go out with some people
they get annoyed when you're lost
they don't see the fun in finding your way
but since we're both childish so it's like fun
and i learnt a lot about what she do with her brother
she wrestles with him a lot
and we were talking about the stuff we do with our brothers when we were young
apparently she did crazier stuff than me
chase each other around on the bed?
hahaha!
and it's really fun when your siblings are as childish as you
every day it's like play day with them
but i'm not as violent as her haha i can't be
the most i'll do that is considered 'violent' would be to poke my brothers
because if they gang up on me i sure die one
and i'm afraid of them poking me back because i'm ticklish like hell
oh i also learnt that she has the yellow teletubby
what's her name? i can't rmb lol
and there's one thing that's quite true
older brothers usually won't treat their younger sister like a girl
i mean when we are playing haha
yeah so went orchard and walked a lot of places
i wanted to go orchard central
but we took a long time to get there
there were a lot of detours
oh and we tried the drink naughty g
we had a bet
we played sisscors paper stone
the loser had to drink 3/4 of the drink
when we bought the drink
i was fascinated by the ingredients they put inside
then i got scared
haha
i kept saying what if i turn into a man after i drank this
so i took a picture before i drank it
to compare before and after
will i magically have mustache? haha
the had some horny goat leaf inside?
and what miracle molecule?
then also ginseng! it's the most fascinating concoction i've seen
luckily i won the bet! i only had to drink 1/4 of it
then afterwards i told myla that i felt weird in my stomach
then i said maybe it's the drink taking effect
the horny effect so she must get away from me
then she said wah so fast ah? haha
then we also used her iphone application
the morph different faces
and i swear i am the ugliest mona lisa you've ever since
don't argue with me, even if you didn't want to in the first place haha
my face was crooked! because she took a picture of me sideways
then i was like omg i'm so damn freaking ugly! send me the picture now! hahaha!
then i was morphed into a macho man and marilyn monroe
at least myla looked okay as mona lisa
i'm a total flop
maybe my face too unique XD
i'll upload the pictures as soon as i got them
you'll see what i mean haha
so don't piss me off
because you may never know, one day i might just print a life size poster of any of the pictures
and paste them around your house for you to admire! muahaha!
i think we spent more time walking than shopping
because we get lost sometimes
but it was fun talking about all sorts of nonsense
and she saw the pervertic side of me haha
and she knew i'm the co president of boratic empire
and i told her our 2010 business focus
it will be a success!
but she's at the same level as me in her 'perverticity' level?
that's the word she and her friend made up haha
she actually knew something in this field that i didn't know haha
and she told me this while we were outside the fish spa trying to steal their connection
hahaha!
then we went back kap mac to eat
after that i went to her house because i actually wanted to show her some videos and the connection wasn't good outside
and i told her there was one video i couldn't even watch for a minute
and she couldn't too haha
and she could also returned the notes and worksheets i lent her to help prepare for her o level
i was shocked at how much i lent her
i was like: i got lend you so many things meh?
but she said it helped her so i was glad to hear it :)
she said my amaths notes and chem notes are very useful
i think so too
i think i'm going to leave it to my children
she said: lol! i think by then they learn different stuff already
haha
but i have no plans of throwing them away
they're really good
and i found out that last year's o level history source based question
they used the same picture that my sec school used for prelims in 08
the exact same one!
but unfortunately she really didn't go through my prelim paper
omg if she did, then when she see the o level paper i think she'll be laughing like mad
then i was thinking, if that picture came out for my o level
i would be laughing like mad
i know cannot be so coincidental
but it was close
a year apart only!
yeah then we talked for a very long time
then i ate a bit of dinner at her house
and i saw the show she was telling me about
the philippine version of 'big brother'
omg i saw the girl she was talking about
no offence but she really looked like a maid
even she said so
and she's so auntie
haha
i actually wanted to carry all the stuff back by myself
can train my arms haha but she and her dad helped me bring back to my house
so it was nice :)
oh, i must admit, after all the stories she told me
she really has met more horrible people than me
haha
a day spent with laughter is a day spent right
haha
and today can be sort of my warm up before my real adventure haha
she can be my monkey partner like in dora
and yeah i think she watches way too much dora
she knows way too much about it already haha
oh oh i got reminded of the music video my big bro showed me a few years ago
i could never forget that music video
it's the only music video that could make me cry
i still cry now when i watch it
the story and the sad song
gurantee sob fest haha
should go watch it! it's called 'because i'm a girl' by kiss
oh and i'm still stuck in 2009
i kept thinking that next year is 2010
because i told myla that i'm scared for next year because i have to take a levels
lol sorry i need more time to move on
i'm a bit slow haha
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

2010-01-01T00:44:00.008+08:00

i'm blogging again
for the second time today
lol
so today my big bro spam me with movies
he first asked me to watch the blind side then marley and me then iron man
i watched half of blind side yesterday and continued today
at first i thought it's just a lame football movie
but actually it's not
it's based on a true story and it's very touching
i cried in the end
then i went to do some research about the story behind the movie
i desperately wanted to find the guy they said got shot in a gang fight when he was 21
on his birthday
in the movie they did focus on this person a few times but he never spoke
then in the end i found out this person was actually very good in basketball in his high school team
but because his grades were not good enough he couldn't continue school and had to drop out and joined a gang
but i couldn't find the article they featured in the movie
i really felt sad for this person, and many others who had potential but did not have the opportunity
imagine how great he would have been if he had the chance
i think michael oher was very lucky
the other person wasn't that lucky
in the end i liked the movie so much and i liked the last part when they talk about this person
i watched the last part repeatedly
then my big bro asked me to watch marley and me
at first i thought it's just some movie about a dog
but then he kept saying very touching very nice
so since i at first thought the blind side wasn't nice but it turned out well
so i thought maybe marley and me would be the same
but it wasn't
omg it's 2 hours long
and i really don't see the meaning in the movie
my big bro said it's about every day life stuff
i guess i don't quite understand yet
but i cried in the end again for the second time today
like crying marathon like that
today i never lock the tap
haha
when i watch movies the tap will become very loose
then i said just let me watch the last 10 minutes of the movie can already
don't need waste 1hour 50 mins of my time watching their every day life
lol
then i watched iron man
of course i didn't cry for this
the tap not that loose
haha
actually iron man is my least favourite superhero
i don't classify him as a real superhero
superheroes must have their own powers within
not from something they build
that's why i said to my big bro: he's not a real superhero. he wasn't bitten by iron. XD
then he said: you think spiderman ah?
hahaha!

and i just realised it's actually 2010 already
so this is my first entry for this year
dang!

2009-12-31T10:43:00.006+08:00

last day of 2009
what a year it has been
and the funny thing is that i never thought about my life after 2008
i don't know why
it's not that i thought about my life before 2008 but it's like i never saw after 2008
hmmm i also don't know what i'm talking about
haha
and this time round, i will make a resolution not to make resolutions
because i realised that if i wanna do something, i should just do it
and not wait for that 'auspicious' day to start doing it
because i know if i wait i can give myself a million reasons to not start it
and i never will
haha
all i can say is that 2009 opened my eyes to a lot of things
and i experienced a lot of things
the good ones and the bad ones
and i needed that breaking point to realise something
i took a step back and saw myself
i climbed up the fence and saw the other side
the side i needed to see
it's like a hell hole if you're stuck on one side and couldn't see the other side
and really, the other side is so much more beautiful
i really enjoyed the good times
and the bad times will be lessons to me
and there are a lot of things that are not about

and i suddenly feel like going on an adventure
because for the most part of my life, it has been revolving around studies
i really don't do much other than studying
i know it's important but i want to do something else also
that's why i'm excited about the days after a levels
i have so much time to do things that i wanted to do
it may sound funny but last night on tv
there's this part when they were showing the making of the lord of the rings
and i told my brothers that how i wish i could live in those times like in the story
like medieval times
and go on adventures and stuff, help people hunt things etc
it's like you'll be exposed to a lot of things
and going on adventure means doing stuff that i'm afraid to do
before i do it i will be damn scared
but after i've done it, i will feel so accomplished and proud of myself
and so damn happy
that feeling makes everything worth it :D
feels childish eh, but hello it's me leh
and i was talking to hf about this and she also got excited
i am so going on an adventure after a levels! :DD

2009-12-25T12:05:00.007+08:00

i was watching 'how i met your mother' in my bros' room late last night

and there was something about being trapped under a rock

and my bros started talking about the mystery question that i asked them when we were very young

i remembered we still shared a bedroom together and we just kept talking late into the night

and i asked this question something about there was this person trapped in between a giant rocks, how did the person get out or something

i did not reveal the answer that night

or the next day

or the day after that

or the next month

or the next year

or until today

hahaha

because honestly, i can't remember if i even knew the answer!

but the point here is, it's quite magical that all 3 of us remembered the same thing so vividly

i know i did because i can still picture the setting of the question very well

and when i was growing up, this was one of those strong memories that never goes away

you know there are some moments you would remember forever for no apparent reasons and there are some that you just forget about it once it passes

and for the 3 of us to remember the exact same moment in time for such a long time, it's really something

and i wanna say something about the show

it has been 5 seasons into the show now and we still haven't met the mother

and the narrator has been talking for 5 years already lol

the first few seasons were not tha funny to me, practically did not laugh throughout the episodes

but then it got better but more crude

and then i think season 5 was the funniest so far, i actually laughed almost at every part of the show

so anyway, what i want to say is that the show has a part that resembles my life

all i can say is this represents that

and the narration about life and everything was meaningful

i felt the same way as what the narrator was saying

barney is the one who doesn't thinks but always do

and ted is the one who always thinks but never do

i should be more like barney, less thinking, more doing

haha

oh i think that my hp's the problem

sometimes i can't receive messages sometimes i couldn't send them out

before myla changed her hp, there was this problem

and after she changed her hp, there was still this problem

i really think it's my hp's fault

and not just with her

sometimes i can't receive other people's messages

really can't wait to change hp!

and i've got to be more 'ji ji' in learning guitar

because i asked my 2nd bro how long had he learnt guitar before stopping and found out that he took around 3 months to learn until grade 2

and theory grade 3

and me?

it's almost a year and i've only progressed to grade 1 lol

seriously!

and my guitar teacher kept talking about people who took like what 2,3 years to learn until grade 8

i think this will motivate me to be more focused

oh and thanks to all those who smsed to wish me merry xmas

MEERY XMAS! :D

and there was this other smile messages

although i did not send them back but i feel the same way too :)

actually i'm always confused as to whether to send back or not this kind of messages

i want to, but always never send back haha

2009-12-24T11:52:00.003+08:00

yesterday went around exploring with yx and yn
kok haw couldn't make it because he's ssoooooooooooo bbbbbuuuuusssssyyyyyy
so it's not a full e.s outing
we went joo chiat to search for this noodle shop
just when we thought we missed it it was just beside us
how lucky
and there were hotel 81s everywhere!
because we met at 2 so the afternoon passed by very quickly
then we went to tampines 1 and walked around
it was my first time there like duh why would i go that far so often lol
it was one of the nicer looking malls i've seen in that area
then we went manpuku (is it?) to eat
then later we took like 1 and a half hour bus ride home
yx said: zuo dao ni pi gu tong haha!
and we reached cck mrt at around 11.
luckily my last bus was at 1130 or else have to sleep there already haha
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2009-12-22T22:28:00.007+08:00

today went pitstop cafe with borats and nas
don't know somebody ask me don't be late, and she herself go picnic in chinese garden! haha!
jq beat me by a mere 13 minutes! haha
saiful got something so he joined us later
then we went long john for lunch
then after that it started to rain
but stopped soon after
only then nas took out her umbrella
and sharing umbrella with her, you must sacrifice your hairstyle
after sharing it will be gone
because as you know, her height cannot accomodate my height
my poor hair... haha
yeah so we reached pitstop cafe
there were a lot of photos of people who came here before on the wall
and i said that we should print a big poster size of our photo and paste across the wall, cover all the other photos! haha
and we played a lot of games
we played the guess the word game
we guess like wild monkeys there
i think we're the loudest there
but who cares haha
i remember when jq gave the clue: what is nas
then she herself said dumb! immature! childish! tall!
then i said: delusional! denial! short! dumb! lol
but i can't rmb what was the answer
then there was once, jq haven't even said anything and nas just guessed mole!
??? then later my turn and the word mole came out lol
then still got jq's clue was: what am i going to do now?
i said: fart! hahaha! but the answer was 'quit' haha
i think nas lost right? yeah most probably and jq won! haha
as usual, loser have to take loser pic, go fb
then we played faling monkeys
like last time at mindscafe, nas lost too with 13 monkeys!
monkeywoman
and the next round jq lost, like competing with nas to see who have more monkey babies! haha
and we played tiki tiki tok
and i won most of the rounds!
only scheming people can win this kind of strategy game
haha no la jk
jq and nas can eat my dust! hahaha!
as usual, nas very lousy in this game and lost
we found out she never use strategy to play one
then later she tried to put on her 'strategy thinking face' which was like....yeah
hahaha won't elaborate
then we played ugly dolls
it's the most thrilling game ever!
we snatched like training for great singapore sale like that
just anyhow whack and grab! haha
old ppl cannot take this kind of game
will heart attack. haha
then saiful finally came
we played pictureka for a while
i rmb nas's turn, she was supposed to find 7 things that can sit on
among the things she pointed was shark, dog, volcano
who sits on a volcano? hahaha!
then we played would you rather...
it's a kind of game where other players guess whether the person would rather do this or that...
then got challenge
i remember the first challenge was the other players have choose one option and write down an interesting reason for the choice
the question was something like: would you rather eat bland food prepared hygienically or nice food prepared in a manner risky for your health?
my reason got the most vote! haha it was: eat bland food prepared hygienically. reason: i want to live!
then another question was like: would you rather have s with your friend's parents or your friend have s with your parents
saiful chose the first option. his reason was the best and it was: because i'm a w****!
hahaha!
then another one the best
question: would you rather fetch your mail outside your house naked or watch your spouse get the mail naked
saiful said first option and the reason have something to do with jiggling. i cannot say here
too censored! lol haha
i rmb another type of challenge was we have to complete the second part of the question and whoever's answer got picked can move on to the next level
question: would you rather walk around naked or....
i said pose in teletubby bikini
lol
and obviously i lost, the answer so ridiculous haha
it was fun!
then later i finally gave nas the present that was supposed to be given to her last year
haha! i told her this morning to bring a decent bag with decent size
this was to contain the present
it was a box and inside got some fragrant thing, a shit doll, a letter and a book i made myself! haha
and i shred the paper up to give mysterious feeling to cover the things inside the box
and nas at first wanted to read every one of the strip! haha
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAS FOR 08 and 09! haha :D
at around 6 we left
then we went esplanadet there and walked around
and nas had to leave early
then left the three of us
we sat down at the sg river there thinking what to eat
and we saw a lot of 'floating balls' lol
and we saw a lot of people running by
like got some marathon
finally we decided to go marina square and find food
we then settled for subway after searching high and low
and we're damn lame inside
because when we just got in, we wanted to sit at the table with couches
but got a man sitting there
so we just chose another place
then we noticed the man was leaving
so we camped there eyeing at the guy for him to leave
and we'll just casually walk over and plop ourselves there
but the man pack damn slow, so i said he pack like a sissy
haha
it was really damn slow
so when he finally, finally left, i just pretended and said: oh look there got space. let's go sit there!
like so casual, no one would know we've been eyeing for that seat
haha!
then after we go walk some more and went home
lastly, we took a boratic pic on the train before i alighted
it was fun, being boratic, talking about stupid things and laughing at the most senseless things
and being our childish lame crazy fun selves
it's fun to be surrounded by people with the same frequency and maturity level as you hahaha!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

and jq, scroll down! my tagboard is below! :)

2009-12-18T10:05:00.009+08:00

HAPPY BIRDDAY BIG BRO! :D
today is his 21st birthday!
we went out to celebrate at Dozo yesterday night
i didn't know Dozo was japanese fine dining until i got there
the food and service was awesome
although the portions were small, the presentation and decoration were damn nice
some looked too nice to be eaten
haha!
you could see the effort that they put to present every dish
i got to taste things i've never tasted before
for the starter, it's the first time i didn't even know what i'm eating
it's like they say is this but you really can't taste the taste you usually taste
lol
the ambience was good also
the staff were all very friendly
so we took photos of every dish
i will upload on fb later
haha
then after we ate we gave my big bro his bday present from me my 2nd bro and my mum
i wrapped the present in paper(which was nice one) and i tried to make a black ribbon
but it didn't work out and when i kept the present it was flattened
so the ribbon was squashed
so when i gave to my big bro, i asked him what's the black thing on top
then he said don't know
then i said you cannot see meh, it's a ribbon!
then he said, no i cannot see
lol
the present was this alarm clock calendar can play music and put photos de thing
i admit it's quite a disaster my wrapping skills
but i tried something new this year
and it's the effort that counts! XD
and due to my 'awesome' wrapping skills, he didn't know how to open it! haha!
then after that, my big bro still not full so we went clark quay de 'da wan zhou'
i remember we always go there to eat when we were young
but nowadays it's very quiet
me and da sao shared one bowl of porridge and we couldn't finish it
too full already
next 3 days no need to eat le
hahaha

anyway, here's something for my big bro
he has always been there for me no matter what
always cheered me up when i was down
we play like we're still children
but he's the most responsible as he's the eldest
i remember once i was very sad and i started talking to him in the middle of the night
and we talked and he consoled me throughout the night until like 3 or 4 in the morning
i appreciated his patience and not falling asleep halfway through! haha!
and he is kind and nice to every one around him
and it's really fun to be around him
:DDDDDDDDDD

yesterday while teaching my mum english
she got this book where she writes down all the words she learnt
so i tested her, i asked what is sideburn
then she said ' pang bian zhao huo lor'
hahaha! i was laughing like mad when i heard that
i kept laughing at her
then during dinner i told everyone this again
lol

2009-12-08T12:48:00.004+08:00

so i performed guzheng yesterday for a guitar concert
weird huh
but my guitar teacher invited me to perform guzheng
my mum ask me why i didn't wear the school guzheng costume
and i'm like if i wore i can just throw my face away already
haha
when my guitar teacher called me to perform
everyone in front turned to look at me
every single one of them
i was like woah, too much attention
my performance was okay
i was damn nervous la
my fingers were shaking at first but as i played it became better
halfway through the second song i forgot the notes
then i tried to scam the audience by playing some random notes then continue
but i totally blanked
so i had to pause and flip the score book
so embarrassing! haha
later my mum said it was not so good because she has heard me play a lot of times
but valerie said it was good, so i think the audience won't think it's that bad
hahaha
yeah i was shocked when i saw valerie there
apparently we have the same guitar teacher
but she didn't perform... aww.. couldn't watch her perform
:)

2009-11-26T09:24:00.007+08:00

just like to share something interesting

this is the "George Carlin Theory"

the most unfair thing about life is the way it ends... i mean, life is tough. it takes up a lot of your time and what do you get at the end of it? death. i mean, what's that, a bonus? i think the life cycle is all backwards. you should die first, get it out of the way. then you move on to an old people's home. you get kicked out when you're too young. you get a gold watch then you go to work. you work for forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. you have fun, party plenty, then you get ready for senior school. then you go to junior school, you become a kid, you play and you have no responsibilities. you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm.

hahaha! :D

2009-11-24T18:42:00.007+08:00

i haven't written poems for a long time now
i stopped because of what it meant to me then that i didn't want to continue
but now i feel differently towards it and the representation of what it is
so here is my first poem in a long time
i just feel like i need to express all these out in a non direct way

so there you go
talking about everything that i didn't want to know
everything you do and every word you say
just puts your insecurity on display
it's like stepping on others to get to the top
you just keep going and going and never stop
do you feel proud about what you did?
because you're someone who just doesn't get it
your words and actions are like bullets
i should reflect them to you just to see how it hurts
sometimes i feel like screaming into your face
to try to squeeze in a little grace
being a mannequin is what you're good at
and mannequins are perfect to puke at
- ---- --- -- ----- --- -- ------- -- --
--- ----- ----- ---- --- ---- ------ ----- -----
the light shines on that very spot
you just had nothing better to do than to stand there and block
why put yourself in such a sorry state
chasing down everyone who has the ticket
my jaw dropped at the dagger you threw
at whatever even though you knew
you defy ------ beyond believe
you steal no different from a thief
if this is the only way you're gonna build the net
i wish you all the best with that
because i admit i'm not any better than you
but at least i don't do the things you do
and i'm trying to walk in another shoe

the --- rep things that i choose not to say

not to insult or intentionally offend down syndrome but
my big bro said: i have the up syndrome
i lack the 'sanity' gene
hahaha! :D

2009-11-23T18:53:00.003+08:00

really, this is who you are?
i never thought you are such a person
well i admit at times i do wonder
but then i tell myself that you are not and i should trust you 100%
but now it seems i'm wrong
i'm not saying anything to you because you disappoint me
the way things are going now it seems like you have used me
i'm starting to think maybe that's who you are if you still don't say anything

don't know why i keep writing about emo stuff
it's not like my life is only about these emo stuff
there are ahppy stuff which i don't write much about
it's just i like to write about these
lol

2009-11-22T21:47:00.012+08:00

well yltc was fun but tiring
it made me try a lot of stuff i wouldn't have tried on my own
and also learn a lot of lessons
but got a lot of bites and bruises
i look like i just came out of war
haha
then when i stood beside jovita she said she look like a maid abuser
haha
then my guitar teacher actually don't dare to ask why i got so many bruises until i told him i went for camp
today zhongyun kept saying i really look like i came back from war
hahaha

yeah so today i went to the beach with zhongyun
i wanted to talk to her about a lot of stuff
and i want to go to watch the sea
got calming effect you know
yeah
so it's like i realise it's really up to me
she said that sometimes you can't solve it because you don't want to solve it
hmmm yeah maybe
it's really up to me to change my screwed up way of seeing things
must be hou lian pi
but it does feel better sharing with somebody
esp with someone who has similar thoughts and feelings as you
feel like you can relate more
but it's damn tough
sometimes i feel it's beyond my capability
and yeah
i like the conclusion about you
you're just insecure
so much more insecure than me
all along i wondered why you did all those things
and we also revealed some stuff we would never have said in school
and i kinda feel glad that zy feels the same as me
makes you feel like you're not the only one thinking this way
so we talked for the entire afternoon
until we're tired and dehydrated
hahaha :)
i hope zy won't say some of the stuff we said today
sssshhhhh secret
haha
& i admit, honestly, i haven't stop comparing
i know i would be so much happier if i stopped comparing
but i can't
for me this kind of person who thinks excessively
ignorance is bliss
but a lot of times things that i don't want to know
will just keep dancing around in front of my face
i always thought i love myself
but i realise recently that i don't
because if i do, i wouldn't self sabotage, i wouldn't destroy myself this way
i wouldn't feel that i don't deserve all the things that i should
i wouldn't feel no sense of self worth
i need to start loving myself
and stop feeling like i should let other people
and i feel i got a lot of stuff to think about
about how to go about climbing out of this deep shit hole
and whether i really wanna become a doctor
whether everything that i'll have to go through is worth it
and today's yan ngee's birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
long live es!
though she still haven't thank me yet! hmph!
haha :)

oh thanks zhongyun for hearing me out today
and anil & atika for your concern
and anil for talking to me about this the other day
:D

i wish you have tried harder

2009-11-12T13:55:00.001+08:00

zhongyun told me this the other day:
assume makes an ass out of u and me
i think it's very interesting and a good reminder to me
to stop my habit of assuming things
and torturing myself
and i should learn to swallow my pride sometimes
at the end of the day
you don't have to prove anything to anyone
you only have to prove to yourself

what am i supposed to say
when you chose to walk away

2009-11-09T22:43:00.003+08:00

i just wanna say
recently i realised who are truly the beautiful people
there are people who are nice on a every day basis
but when it comes down to it
they are just nice on the outside
whereas there are some people
whom you think are not that nice
but at times that you really need help
they appear and help you out
or during certain times that they do things
that just makes you see the real beauty in them
these are the real people
it's like a diamonds trapped under sand
and only certain times does the sand blow away and reveal the diamonds beneath
and these people are hard to come by
you have to look carefully to find these people
:)

2009-10-29T14:30:00.004+08:00

frustrated beyond believe
it's ineffable
this is a personal problem that i've been struggling with since forever
hate to feel that i've fallen into the same cycle again
and it just keeps repeating itself
i can't get out i don't know how
it's really up to me to change my mentality and perspective
it's ruining me
tired of being tired
but i can't give up
i don't want to live like this anymore
tried meditation to be at peace with myself
but still beating myself up for all sorts of things
guess i'm not strong enough
this is the root to all of my problems
it feels like a meteor shower hitting me everyday
and i guess it won't be long till i finally crumble
under all the weight of everything i put on myself
not the weight of the things the world put on me
I put them on myself
I chose to carry all these weight
it's just very complicated
i don't want to crumble
so i must change my perspective
the world is how you view it
but it's as difficult to near impossible
but for now
i just need to express out
it's almost filled to the brim
if i don't let it out
it will explode
i never could believe how much crap i choose to put myself through
it's like i like to torture myself
that i deserve all these pain
it's true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
but i just never learn
just keep falling and falling

sounds emo right
but it's okay
i just need to tell what my heart is screaming

2009-10-26T20:12:00.012+08:00

so i was talking to my big bro today
then it turned into a 'therapy' session
and we talked about all sorts of stuff
he 'died' 3 times 'therapising' me
hahaha
he said it's a strenuous thing
'cause it's like i keep giving metaphors about stuff
then say you cannot link meh?
he said er nope you very lousy in giving metaphors
hahaha
it's like a roller coaster ride
but i'd say it was successful 'cause i gained some enlightenment
he said something that really got into me
wish he'd say more so it can really drill into me
but it's like connect halfway then stop
but at least it got into me halfway
and we talk about stuff like guys
he said guys would really change after they go ns
he said it's hard to put into words but you definitely would not feel the same and the way you see things would change dramatically
i shall ask my 2nd bro if he felt the same way after finishing his ns

and yeah
i sometimes really care too much about what other people think
and i've quit the tug of war long ago
but i'm still tugged
but after today's realisation
i think i will really quit for good
i know what's holding me back
i thought it was true
but it's so not worth it

my big bro always said how will this be a loss to you?
it will be x's loss for getting y

2009-10-25T11:31:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2nd BRO! :D

so we celebrated his birdday today
it was a simple affair, just my brothers and i
'cause my parents are still in egypt and they'll come back and celebrate for him another day

anyway there's something i wanted to say
This has been a long time coming
Have been meaning to say these
But just didn’t
And I feel that it’s about time say it
About how I felt all these years
Because I have never said these before
And I feel that it’s important that they know about it now
For all my life I felt like I’m in this giant shield that is so strong and will never crack
No matter what I’m always protected, I’m always safe
Because I have my brothers
They are my two strong pillars, two bright lights shining on me in my life
Giving me warmth, giving me everything that I need
And no matter what happens they will be there to help me
If I fall they will always be there to cushion my fall
They will always be there to dry my tears, make me laugh and everything that makes me happy
I feel I am blessed for life because I have the two of them
They are my motivation and strength
They are really the most wonderful people I have in my life, and because they are my brothers they understand me better and I could tell them everything and anything
And they won’t judge me
For the countless of times I got lost, they pulled me back on track
And made me feel that it ain’t all that bad
They make me feel that I can face this big bad world with them always behind me to support my back
And for all of these I am very grateful, so very grateful
Grateful is too a mediocre word to describe how much I appreciate them
It’s immense
Although I don’t really express it explicitly
But sometimes I do do something nice things for them
Those extraordinary times we had when we were growing up
As I looked at all the childhood pictures I really miss those times
How they always took care of me, how they made me laugh, how they protected me
That sometimes they are so nice to me until it made me wanna cry
And that’s why they’re so worthy of me to make sacrifices for them
because I know they would do the same for me with an blink of an eye
my mom always told me how lucky I am to have two older brothers
and I knew that all along
and she showed us the importance of maintaining good relationships within the family
but my relationship with my brothers were not always great
I remember when I was younger I did not really like my big brother for don’t know what reason
Then suddenly we became very close and were inseparable (in a sense) ever since
And I was very close to my 2nd brother when I was very young, we always played together
Then not so close
Then now we’re close again
So now I have great relationships with the both of them, and I’m very happy about it
I feel like I must have done something so wonderful in the past lifetime to deserve them in this lifetime
Sure we do quarrel sometimes but I can say that they make me laugh more than cry
Home is a nice place to come home to because we will entertain each other
By ‘arguing’ and doing all sorts of stupid things
We are still as childish as ever and we’re proud of it
I should really record all the ingenious jokes they crack and all the silly things they do
we are not outright nice to one another, like complimenting or things like that
but at the end of the day they will do things that show that they care
it’s like I ask them to do certain things then they would say no but at the end of the day they would still do it, that kind of thing
and they will turn whatever crap I threw at them and turn them into flowers and give them back to me, especially my big bro
and sometimes when I’m unhappy with someone and I complain to them about it and I would jokingly ask if they could help me bash the person up and they would say yeah sure.
I remember there was this time my big bro said I’ll ask my army gang to bash the person up
Hahaha
And since they’re older than me, they are more experienced than me
And I could ask them for advice and they would also give me some heads up on certain things
Sometimes they ‘gang up’ to make fun of me but it was fun
And we ‘bicker’ and ‘make fun’ of one another like it’s free
We never run out of things to ‘bicker’ and ‘make fun’ of
My mum likes to say that if one day my brothers and I don’t ‘bicker’ and ‘make fun’ of each other we would feel uncomfortable like quan shen bu shu fu
But at the end of the day we all know that we meant none of those and it was just for entertainment
and I’m saying all these because they really deserve to be known as the greatest brothers in the whole wide world
they may not be perfect but they’re the ultimate best
sometimes when I look at all our childhood pictures I miss them so much that I feel really sad
but then I told myself it’s okay because I’m lucky to have had such a wonderful childhood
and because today is my 2nd bro’s birthday I shall share this picture of me and him when we were children

okay this is not what it looks like
I know my 2nd bro is holding a scissors but obviously he was not the one who bullied me or else why would I cry to him
this picture made me feel like the big brother’s instinct to protect his little sister
my 2nd brother has a fantastic sense of humour and I can really appreciate his sense of humour
maybe because we’re on the same level
no actually, he’s a higher level than me
but on the same frequency
those jokes we crack at home and stupid things we do
and he’s really smart, last time I can always ask him questions
but now he’s in NS he’s forgotten everything
haha
and my big bro is as great as well
but I shall not elaborate now
both my brothers are special in their own ways
and I want them to know that I love them very much
there’s so much love that they can swim and drown in it
but I’ll never tell them this
so I’m going to ask them to read this themselves
haha
because I’m not the kind of person who will tell you how much I appreciate you in your face
I’ll let you know some other way
But you’ll never hear it coming from my mouth
And I think action have more meaning than words
And this is the kind of thing that happens in my family
We show we care by actions and the little things that we do for each other
Things you say can always be a lie, but the things you do really reveals how you feel
and I really hope that I was as great a little sister as they were big brothers to me

so yeah, it’s all out
I’ve gotten to realize that it’s nice to let the people you care about know how much you care about them
So I want my brothers to know this

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2009-10-22T00:29:00.002+08:00

so as i look at everything that's going on around me
i'm still sitting here trying to figure everything out

hey struggle, you're still here

2009-10-14T22:17:00.004+08:00

amidst the confusion a sense of loss
really don't know what to do
maybe this will prove to be yet another time i shoot myself in the foot again

there was always a smile behind the sheet of face

2009-10-06T16:55:00.009+08:00

it's been a very looooong time since i blogged
because there are a lot of thoughts and feelings that i just don't know how to express them in words

i want to say them but i don't know how

guess what this is

it's my 2nd bro's creation

it's called mountain of eggs!

i went into the kitchen and he had this bowl upside down on a plate
and when he revealed the mountain, he said ta da! see i so li hai right! can shape the eggs like that

and he looked damn proud of himself haha it was so funny at that moment

i just had to take a picture

later i asked how many eggs you use to cook this

he said: 9 lo 3 for each of us

he said it like it was very normal.

yeah my bros have big appeite

lol

this is a picture borats took on css awards day

i think it's damn cool becasue it's like the first authentic boratic picutre we took.

let's flash the world to death! hahaha!

but i look out of plac e because i didn't hav a tie

i totally forgot need to wear a tie until i reached css
if i had a tie on it would look more perfect

but it's okay

i had fun taking this picture

borats rock and long live the boratic empire! =D

let's make the world a more boratic place! hahahaha!

btw thanks yuanzhi for lending me his blazer :)

oh here's other pics we took

jq, nice fingers hahaha

yeah so this is what i got for awards day

don't know how much pain sweat blood & tears it took to get this. seriously.

and all along i thought i did not have enough A1s to get it until a few weeks before the school called

thought never count express chinese

lol

i'm so proud of myself! =D

hey struggle, you're still here

2009-08-08T23:00:00.007+08:00

went for jap buffet dinner today
it was quite satisfactory
and i'm seriously getting fat
and tmr's atika's bro's wedding
aaahhhhh, should stop eating so much
hahaha and go running
come, somebody make me angry then i'll be damn motivated to run to vent anger.
hahaha
and i read this article today that exercise does not help to lose weight?
but the more effective way to lose weight is to move more, like take the stairs, walk more etc
i mean i agree with moving more helps but exercise helps to
they say it does not help because people tend to eat more to 'reward' themselves or they feel hungrier after exercising.
but that's for some people only
i believe exercising will help
and i like the feeling of sweating like crazy after exercising
feels refreshing, the more i sweat the better i feel
hahaha!
i told my bros that to lost weight effectively we must move more
then my 2nd bro started to wiggle his finger
then i said: yeah, you just burnt 1000 cal by doing that
then both my bros started wiggling 4 fingers
and then later the whole hand
and that's 10 000 cal for you! lol
and i swear everytime eat buffet with my second bro is damn fun
he'll do all those ridiculous things like take a few pieces of guava and pour a mountain of that brown sugary thingy which you eat with guava. then later he said too much of that then not nice. lol
he also added ice cream to coke, walked around the place with a fork for a while for don't know what reason, added two peppermint tea bags to a cup of coffee and said it tasted more tea than coffee then later added ice and then after added creamer which it cannot dissolve because the coffe is cold. but he still said it was nice. hahaha!
and then later went to get some drink and added more ice than the drink itself. :)
seriously man, i think my whole family is nuts and i love it! :D
and i'm childish not because my childhood is deprived, it's because i love my childhood too much and it's too awesome to let go
my whole family's childish anyway, and that's why they're fun! hahaha
oh! later my bros and i went to arcade after dinner
then they played the house of dead 4, a zombie shooting game
my 2nd bro lost first, then left my big bro
when he let me play then i said: you want to die fast right?
and i was right
according to my 2nd bro, i shot only 8 zombies before i died
he said i shot more water than zombies! hahaha!

and so atika's bro's wedding is tmr
and i've thought about when my bros get married and move out
i dread that day but it will come
but then i tell myself, we grew up with such close bonds
even if they're married, we could still hang out and be close as ever
nothing could break the bonds we have. never ever for the life of me and everyone around.
i've just thought of this today, that how great it would be if we could have this house that's big enough to fit all of our families one day
then we could still pester each other because although we live in different units but we're still under one roof technically
haha
but must have enough $$$$.
yeah, i'll tell myself the same thing i told atika: they'll always be my big bros and i'll always be their little sis NO MATTER WHAT!
and we have the same blodd running through us, literally. we have the same blood type.
i like big families because it'll be so fun everyday
i like to ask my mum: why you neve give birth to 10 children? like my grandma?
then she'll always reply: i have you 3 already half my life gone, if i have 10 i'll have no life to look after them.
hahahaha!
but i don't think i'll have a big family myself
yeah and i don't know why i talked about this
hahaha

i have everything i needed right in front of me and more
i've always had them

instead of worrying about what if this happened and what if that happened
why not just pull out and not make it my business
then i'll have nothing to worry about and it won't bother me
i saw what i saw
and it made me shut the door
but i've modified the scene
i sense dejavu
like i always go through the same cycle

what the hell, your insecurity, the fact that you did that

2009-08-07T21:16:00.009+08:00

went back to css with atika, lee ling and hui ying
got the year book but the quality is like....
and the design....
haiyo got cheated.
but nvm
ahahah
yeah then later went to ion with atika, hui ying, you jing, anil and borat
we got lost inside trying to find a way out!
hahaha
later me atika and borat ate pepper lunch while anil you jing and hui ying ate subway and kfc???
yeah
then we walk around looking for presents
yeah it was fun, did not do this for quite a while.
but i had to leave early for tuition
and our legs were aching from all the walking!
chan hui ying forever looking for seats! hahaha!
pictures taken today will be on facebook!
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

i've sat down and thought
why do i always choose to swim in the ocean when i know i will drown

2009-08-05T19:19:00.011+08:00

this is part of the convo between 2 of the borats one fine night. haha. i thought the logic was really cool so i decided to put it here. it really makes a lot of sense. and appreciated the help of borat to help me see the other side! i got enlightened by borat! hahaha! yeah. thanks again btw! :D
red is borat, green is me

u noe ar
at times i really hate some ppl
but the more i tink abt how much i hate the person, the more the person haunt me leh!
as in the more he/she did tings that i hate
but when i dont bother abt the person, waseh
i begin to tink he is actually okay okay la
just dont abt him and can oreadi
i guess unlike poles really attract each other
so jut try to be normal!
;D

haha thanks! actually wad u said make sense but sometimes its just hard
i also tink i tink way too much alr
wad u mean by unlike poles attract each other?

ehhh
i mean like poles repel
coz its like u dislike him wad
den u make urself dislike him more
so dislike plus dislike = repulsion
haha
but if u dont care dont care
den dislike plus dont care dont care= nth will happen
haha
weird logic
but u get wad i mean rite'
haha

omg its not weird logic! it's e best logic i've heard!
eh never knew u could give such a advice!
haha really intellectual!
THANKS! :D

haha
welcome
its hidden talent la
haha

be honoured your wise words appeared here!
where's my long line of smileys?! darn it! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
oh there it is. hahahaha!

pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out pull out before it's too late
and i fall again...
i chose my suffering

2009-07-31T22:06:00.004+08:00

the school bell rang and it was time for dismissal
like other children, she quickly packed up her bag and rushed out of school
she was walking to the school gate happily with her friends
her mum promised to be there to pick her up
she reached the gate but her mum did not show up
some of her friends have already gone home with their parents
one by one, her friends left and the school became quieter
as the sky grew darker but she stood there still
waiting for her mum to appear
rain began to pour
still no sign of her mum
she became frightened standing there all alone
in the end, she could not tell whether the water on her face was rain or tears

the story isn't that simple

2009-07-25T12:18:00.001+08:00

decided to take down what i wrote
because it's just not worth it

2009-07-21T00:37:00.005+08:00

just heard this song on the radio, thought it was so funny! so here are the lyrics :)

Don & Drew- Be My Valentine

Girl you don’t know me but I sure know you
From the long black hair to the size of your shoes
I’ve met your brother, and spoken to some of your friends
But darling that’s where it ends

Cuz baby all I want do is talk to you
To buy you a drink, maybe buy you some food
But I’m a geek, and nervous half of the time
So would you be, would you be my…

Be my valentine
We’ll go out about town to dine
Be my valentine
I’ll get you drunk on cheap red wine
Be my valentine
Now that’s when I’ll touch your behind
If you’d be my valentine
That would be so, fine

I’ll pretend to like the restaurants you pick
I will even sit through yet another chick flick
And if we argue, I’ll let you win the fight
Just as long as I get to have CINEMA that night

But all you ever want to do is sit and talk
And go for one of those damn long walks
I just wanna see you naked, is that a crime?
So I’m asking you, would you be my…

Be my valentine
You’ll have your clothes off in no time
Be my valentine
Our bodies will be entwined
Be my valentine
Don’t tell me I’m not your kind
If you’re not my valentine
I will break your, spine

Baby you’re a honey, baby you’re a fox
I treasure you more than my Xbox
I’d run butt naked on the street if you ask me to

And even if you’re angry and you kick me in the nuts
I’m the only guy who’ll never ever hate your guts
So please say you will cuz baby I’m asking you

Be my valentine
Baby you look so fine
Be my valentine
And your bum is just devine
Would you be my valentine
Please please don’t decline
Would you be my valentine
Baby baby can’t you read the sign
Would you be my valentine
You stupid girl just be mine
Would you be my valentine
Our body fluids must combine
You’ll continue my bloodline
Be my valentine
The mole I have I swear it’s benign
Don’t treat me like Frankenstein
Be my valentine
I have no more words to rhyme

(really?)Except for lime

Just be mine, be my valentine
I think I’ve found love, really
I never felt this way before
Honestly(be my valentine)

2009-07-15T20:28:00.007+08:00

look at the name! :)

the invitation :)

I'M SO EXCITED! :D
atika invited me to her brother's wedding!
it's like the first time i get invitation to wedding
and it's atika
so yeah
actually this was given to me yesterday
but i didn't have time to blog
so i'm blogging about it now
i tell you
yesterday morning actually i was very sian when i came to school
then she gave me this and it made my day
i was so excited at first i blurted out "this is my first wedding!"
LOL hahaha!
what a good start to a day
haha
i know, maybe this may be trivial to some people
but it means a lot to me and i'm like that
i can be easily excited
the wedding invitation looked very nice
can't wait for the wedding! :DDDDDDDDDD

if you could be a quarter of any one of the both of them, YOU'D ROCK LIKE GOD
just a quarter
make the comparism

2009-07-03T20:12:00.005+08:00

the wall right in front of me
it's too tall to climb over it
it's too wide go around it
it's too thick to drill through it
it's too rooted to go underneath it
there's just no way round it
i really don't know how
never have been stuck like this before

well, i knew it
never fail to screw up

wait till the day i just don't give a crap anymore

no comments about cts
either said already or just too speechless
haha

it won't fade away unless you want it to

2009-06-23T02:27:00.003+08:00

wah its like 2.30 am now and i'm writing this
anyway i just feel like saying after confiding in my friend i felt so much better
and what she said was right, she can only help me by talking to me
i also think so
and she's like so nice. i smsed her to ask if she free to talk
because i got quarter life crisis
and at first she said not really but later she came online
just to listen to me
it was so nice
because i always confide her with my problems
she's a very good listening ear
and she has like same mentality as me, we think like the same way
so she understands me better then easier to talk to
then i only found out today
everytime we chat online
then the times we chat until very late
then she always wait for me to sleep first then she go sleep
because i ask her what time she have to sleep
then she said whenever you sleep
oh and just now i told her my very very personal thoughts and feelings
which were all very crazy
but then she told me she also felt that way before
i was so surprised
but at least there's someone who've been through it before
it makes me feel somewhat better
she is one true friend
i told her she'll be my friend for life, confirmed already :D
THANKS SO MUCH! :DD

2009-06-22T21:04:00.003+08:00

went es outing today
kok haw, me, yan ngee and yu xuan
notice the order of the names?
got significance one
haha
the first name to be mentioned is the earliest to reach
kok haw reached like 11.40 like that
then followed by me
i reached like just before 12
then yan ngee 12.01?
yu xuan was like the earliest
12.42
the best
then later we were deciding where to go for like 20mins
and missed don't know how many trains
haha
finally we decided to go town first then later then say
we went to xing wang to eat, again!
we go there for don't know how many times already
yeah and kok haw you very big square ah
$13! haha
yeah then later we walk around and explore
we went central then plaza sing
at plaza sing we went to mos burger to sit down and talk
haha
we just bought ice milk tea and talked for don't know how long
and we drank milk tea at xing wang also
like drink milk tea the whole day
haha
and we talked a lot about our pri sch days
because we talk about everything we could rmb
from teachers to areas in the school to ex schoolmates and everything
it was sooooo hilarious
and i was reminded of many things
and i suddenly rmbed very clearly how the school compound looks like
i want to go back there again
it's been so long already
we talk mostly of events and characters from that school
those were good times and time fly by so quickly
at mos burger it was like we reliving our days like that
and i laugh until my mouth ached
i think we were the nosiest table there
like usual
we always very noisy
haha
yeah then later we walked to the cathay and just walk around
then later actually kok haw wanted to take bus
cause mrt was ex for him
but then he went to take mrt with us because yan ngee was talking about some gossip about their sec sch ppl and he wanted to hear
haha
oh i rmb! kok haw had to pay extra 'cause he stayed in the mrt for more than 2 hours
he was inside since 11.40 to like 1 plus haha
yeah so on the train we gossip about ppl from yan ngee and kok haw's sec school
i think the boys very childish
like grow up la
haha
yeah so after yu xuan alighted then later kok haw went to sit down by himself
then i told yan ngee to take photo and put on stomp
say: most inconsiderate person in singapore
haha
then we talked about singaporean aunties on public transport
so funny la!
the things that they do
yan ngee told me got one time she was walking towards this seat
then this auntie was like right behind her
then she threw her bag at the seat to like book it
lol!
like so ridiculous la
omg
haha
yeah so that's basically it
GREAT TIME :)))))))))))))))))))))

2009-06-21T22:33:00.004+08:00

had family dinner at shangri la hotel the line
it was a buffet
and it was freaking expensive
especially because today is father's day
the food was good but there were some exceptions
esp the steamed fish, omg la, so soft it melts in your mouth
and the mashed potato was nice too
the service was very good
and the hotel look damn freaking nice
today was my 2 brothers' treat
first time they treat us
haha
i rmm me and me 2nd bro went to take the marshmallow fondue thingy
after we coat the marshmallows he went to stick the plate into the fondue thing
as though he want to coat the plate also
then in the end he never eat the chocolate that he took
hahaha
i think i can don't eat for the next few days already
and the dessert is sooooo damn sweet
i have to run don't know how many rounds after this
oh and on our way there and back
my 2nd bro was like dancing to 'nobody' by wonder girls beside me in the car
it's like a 'perfect' place to dance, seriously
the car is like so small already
we are already squeezed to one another
and he danced like nobody's business
purposely move his arms to kajiao me
i think he watched enough of the video that he mastered the moves already
anyway i don't get why so many people are into the song
the world has gone mad!! hahaha
photos in facebook! :)))))

TMR ES OUTING! :DDDDD

2009-06-17T22:00:00.004+08:00

today went with nas & zy to minds cafe! :)
we played like 5 games
expressions, tiki thing, bluff game, cluedo, and falling monkeys
nas keep losing
like the ultimate loser XD
then zy is the overall winner
she won 3 games
i won 2 games
nas lost 2 and got 2nd place for 3 games
haha
she got loser luck :)
then the losers will have their picture taken
so nas got the most photos
haha
the cafe was fun and entertaining :)
then nas and i actually conspiring to make zy lose for the last round of cluedo in the toilet
then when we came out zy say she don't want to play already
aiya! then we can't use our cheating strategies
haha
anyway the strategy was if zy said the thing and we have that card
i will blink profusely at nas
and nas will give her sparstic weird weird look
haha
ha! i rmb nas got 13 monkeys for falling monkeys! hahaha
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
oh i rmb got 1 game called" do you like your dogs?" hahaha!
pics on facebook!
:DDDDDDDDDDDDD

2009-06-16T10:54:00.003+08:00

like the weather
sometimes it's sunshine sometimes it's thunderstorm
i must check the forecast before i leave the house
when i'm out i must always look up and check the clouds
to see if the sun is still shining or rain is going to come
i'm the kind who does not like to bring an umbrella out
it's a risk all the time
at first, i did not mind getting drenched sometimes
but then i get tired of having to go home and wash the clothes clean
and then they got drenched again
it's so unpredictable
and it's so not fun

don't make the world revolve around you
who do you think you are

don't make people become tired of you
that's just pathetic

the world could do without you
believe it

2009-06-10T22:57:00.004+08:00

2nd bro's POP

me, 2nd bro, big bro at dinner buffet after 2nd bro's pop

me, my crazy hair & closed eyes on the ferry with my 2nd bro. soon after his cap flew away. oops :X

my 2nd bro's best buddy & 2nd bro

my 2nd bro with his awards. one of them is for coy best shot! :) yeah his sparstic pose. haha

family photo! (without my big bro, he got work & the lady i forgot who she is :x)

another one

zulu camp award winners

another one

the parade

my 2nd bro & me! :)

my 2nd bro & dad!

my 2nd bro & mum!

the parade

2009-06-09T12:57:00.004+08:00

tmr's my 2nd bro's passing out parade
it seems so slow and fast at the same time
finally he's graduating
some sort
when he first went in there he was miserable
said it was very sian inside
then when he calls you can hear the sianness in his voice
haha
yeah
but now he seems to be enjoying his time inside
at least better than the first week
and i found out that he made this very good new friend
they are very close
and when he told me about him, i felt that he treasure this friend a lot
and i can tell from his actions too
he even went to make this photo thingy for him for the pop
i'm glad he has met someone like that
someone that makes you feel great
someone that you think is so worthy
i know what this feels like
i have known people like this and i am thankful :)
i'm happy for him and i think they will be friends for a long time to come

come to your senses and think
there is nothing to it
you're just kidding yourself
and making yourself feel horrible
go back to the way it was
before i let myself fall
i've stuffed too much meaning in you
you can't contain so much
you are not supposed to anyway
stop screwing up
i was disappointed so many times
put too many hopes on you
you can't take it
you're not the one to take it
you're not strong enough to support it
you crumble anytime
step out, shut up
i won't let you be another one
i know what's it like
all messed up
can't go back
sigh and regret
it was okay until i screwed it up
still trying to find back
THE WAY IT WAS

it's confusing, i know
but that's just how i feel

2009-05-29T22:17:00.009+08:00

went back to css yesterday
we went to see the teachers
saw mrs philip, mrs yeo, ms faith, mdm chang
anil said she saw a 'flash of green' walk past in the staff room
and that was mr koh
lol
i also saw mr ng
but when i first saw him i wanted to call him but did not know how to address lol
and the teachers talk until like we are very miserable and stressed out
lol
and i got to see the reservoir!
now i know why css always so windy
because got the reservoir breeze!
i miss it!
:)
though i did not take a picture of where the exact spot i remembered to be
but i got to experience it again
which was awesome :)

anil & atika with view of the reservoir from one of the staircases, though not that staircase i was talking about.

view of the reservoir with a lot of trees covering it. lol

the reservoir! so nice right! :) this was what i was talking about.

anil & atika having discussion at the reservoir. can't remember what they were talking about. haha

me, anil & atika in canteen (though you can't see it)

atika & me (taken in staff room. we got to sit on the blue chairs! finally! haha)

me & atika. my pass was "v7" and her pass was "v11" so together we are 7-11! lol!

anil & me at reservoir

atika & me. lol. my hard-core lover/seducer for 4 years and counting. hahaha! ( i can't believe i admitted it lol)

2009-05-27T12:28:00.003+08:00

i've finally talked to KARTHIK on msn yesterday night!
i was soooo excited!
it's been like so long
and i must really say
after talking to him, it reminds me why i love him as a friend
he is such a gentleman, so damn nice and awesome and funny and understands me well
i could tell him whatever i want and i like his responses & that's why i like to tell him things
yeah, that's karthik :D

i forgot how nice it is to talk to a person like karthik
because you always shoot me with your arrows
i always have to take it in and suck it up
and pretend it doesn't bother me
i could not tell you whatever i want and i don't like your responses & that's why i don't like to tell you things
yeah, that's you :(

2009-05-26T10:48:00.003+08:00

i wore a smile to sleep last night
i don't know why
but when i realised it, i was smiling for no reason
maybe because i've finally let something go
i hold on to so many things
i don't know which i've let go

somebody told me something yesterday
while i was in the toilet, her words were running through my brain
it makes sense
i didn't know her words went so deep into my brain
she can be my kong zi
hahaha!
to my kong zi:
i'm kou ying xin luan
so next time i say mean things just take it that i actually feel the opposite
if i say nice things also take it i feel the opposite!
haha! no la jk!
yeah, i know you're a very nice friend
and i do treasure you as a friend, even though i don't act like it :)

oh by the way, i'm stalking her! hahaha!
stalkee & stalker
a very nice stalkee ah, let stalker take photo with her
lol!
i don't know why
but i feel proud being her stalker! :)

2009-05-18T11:29:00.011+08:00

i was suddenly reminded of the reservoir across css

especially in sec 4

after a hectic and stressful day in school

when i'm walking down the stairs

and i see the water in the reservoir

at that moment, the wind blowing across your face

you see the calm waters slowly making waves

your whole body calms down

your spirits are lifted

it's such a beautiful sight

i still remember clearly how it looks like, how it feels to be at that moment

damn i'm beginning to miss a lot of things about css
i never knew it could be so good
you won't know what you have was really good until it's gone

where did i go wrong
just when you thought you can totally depend on someone...
that pillar collapsed
i bet you didn't know
whenever i'm down, i just have to think that you're always there
and i would feel better
you give me courage, you keep me going
i feel i could face up to anything because i know you'll be there
another letdown
i feel like pieces of me are tearing themselves away
one by one
maybe it'll continue until there's nothing left of me
how wrong i was to think that it'll be alright because i still have you
i guess anything can happen

2009-05-17T23:33:00.008+08:00

lol
i'm supposedly still studying for the phy & chem tests tmr
but my fingers very itchy
must type something
haha

yeah, my 2nd bro called just now
it's been such a long time since i heard his voice
i miss him so much
it's not the same without him in the house
you can feel it
i have lesser entertainment
i have one less person to complain to
i have one less person to 'argue' with
our arguments are fun
i have one less person to play with
haha
but then i still have my big bro, so it's not that bad
it's just one less
well, he's been really busy inside
and i heard he got confined for 'losing' his gun
that means he'll be home either next week or the week after that
and he told me about the 'motivational' letter i wrote him
the one which families are supposed to write something to encourage them for the field camp
he said all his friends cried when they read their letters
he was the only one who laughed
he asked: what kind of motivational letter was that?
HAHAHA!
my motivational letter damn unique, make people laugh one :)
anyway, it's impossible to make him cry
because i'm his crazy little sister :D
hope to see him soon! :D

and nowadays i look forward to guzheng practices,
not so much because of the practice, but because i get to see
my group of friends there
we have so much fun
and i laugh so much
i think one of them is a very interesting person
i shall not say the name, but those who supposed to know will know
she's so dao, but at the same time so entertaining
she dao until very funny
hahaha
anyway, tmr guzheng full dress rehearsal frm 3.30 to 8pm leh!
siao!
but i look forward to it! :)

yeah, concentrate on the things that make me smile
though the ones that make me frown's right smack in front of my face everyday
sigh

2009-05-16T20:30:00.004+08:00

learn to live with it
to see the things i do not want to see
learn to let go
to see those smiles
pretend
should have never let myself fall
cut the ties
what was that
almost there
but stopped short
that day will come
i won't give you what you don't deserve

prepared for the worst

2009-05-11T17:55:00.006+08:00

lately i've been wondering a lot
about things that i've never been so bothered about before
wondering why i am even wondering
then just suddenly today
i decided to make up my mind
to let it all go
i know what's it like
i choose whether to climb the step or not
and i chose not to
so i'm gonna turn my back on it
it doesn't matter to me

besides, 4 arrows are enough

2009-05-09T11:20:00.003+08:00

I WILL NOT GO THROUGH IT AGAIN!

2009-05-01T21:58:00.003+08:00

today went out with nas & borat
actually i was in a dilemma as to whether to go or not
until this morning i'm still thinking
then in the end i finally decided to go
it turned out VERY well
i enjoyed myself VERY MUCH
we went to this new shopping mall called iluma at bugis
we went to watch wolverine
it was nice, but borat keep saying very drama
haha
yeah, after the movie we want to find toilet
but the toilets in iluma was always very crowded
some only got 2 cubicles
so we decided to go bugis junction's toilets
on our way there me & nas kept laughing
all the way
until inside the toiler already still laughing
haha
then we were saying what go bugis toilet very fun
so everytime nas want to go toilet she must travel all the way to bugis
that's why she's always not home
oh yeah!
before the movie & after we ate at burger king
we went to sit down at iluma
then we watch people walk past
then i said it's interesting to watch people walk past
can see all sorts of weirdos
then we had this idea of walking with the crowd then take picture
then can put "weirdo 1" and "weirdo 2"
hahaha!
so i ask nas to go try
when a crowd was coming, she would go join the crowd then try to blend in with the crowd and walk with them
then she always get left behind or something
i was taking the picture and always very blur
then she have to keep walking again!
haha
it was so idiotic
but it was FUN!
then we walked together
i walked behind nas
hahahaah!
yeah, it was worth going out today :D

pics on facebook! but damn blur
haha

2009-04-27T00:53:00.007+08:00

here are some random pics in my house

my big bro, me, and my 2nd bro! he just shaved his head, getting ready for army! :D & what's with the look on my big bro's face? hahaha

my 2nd bro, during the long break after a levels. he is playing computer games as usual and still had his hair! hahaha

me, hugging patrick. i'm playing this scary game which my big bro asked me to play. i needed to put something cute in front of me to counter the horror of what i see on the screen. lol

2009-04-27T00:11:00.002+08:00

bye karthik!
went to send him off just now
i'm gonna miss him
there's a farewell video for him on youtube and facebook
hope to be able to see him soon!
he won't be gone forever
maybe he'll come back some day or we'll go visit him
at the airport just now, when he went inside, i realised this will be the last time i'll be able to be in his presence for a long time
and jia qiang and anil could not make it :(
i know jia qiang must be very sad, afterall, they have been friends since primary school
and anil...
it's just the feeling of losing someone great
karthik is really one of a kind, irreplacable
i'm reminded of the laughters and smiles we had

well, at least i have the honour to have him as a friend
to have laughed with him, to have gone through 2 years with him
all the best to him! :D

2009-04-25T21:37:00.005+08:00

today went to eat dinner with yu xuan and kok haw
yan ngee did not come, because she was busy as usual
i enjoyed myself, laughing so hard
did not laugh like this for a long time already
i felt revived, rejuvenated and great
if only i could laugh like this everyday
i feel so dead in school, feel so alive outside
friends for 7 years and counting :D

and karthik's going off tmr!
and i did not hang out with him ever since that time we played badminton
because too busy with school :(
ahhhh
karthik!!!
he's such a special friend
tmr we'll meet him at the airport to send him off
:((((((((((

not worth the time, not worth the effort, not worth the words, not worth the mention, not worth the thought
all i can say is: this is the fastest transformation to a pile of shit i've ever seen, and i worshipped that pile of shit

2009-04-24T21:56:00.002+08:00

i got hit by a tornado
i never saw it coming and i don't know what happened
this shows that things can changed anytime
i shouldn't have cared so much
i shouldn't have expected anything from you
in the end, you're just another disappointment
shouldn't have wasted my time and effort

2009-04-18T18:02:00.002+08:00

2 words for you
screw you
why is there a version of you everywhere i go
it's like I'm stuck in this cycle forever
if this is really what you want to do to me
so be it
i can't stop you
it's not my loss
i've been through this before
i won't let you be another ***
i'll look the other way
it's amazing how fast things can change

2009-03-29T23:21:00.001+08:00

went to plaza sing with my big bro after school on fri
there's display of gundams at the first level
it's a gundam playing guzheng!
ain't this cool?!
haha :)

2009-03-22T23:12:00.002+08:00

i suddenly have this overwhelming feeling of sense of loss
in april my 2nd bro is going to ns
i won't be able to see him for 3 months! :(
then karthik is going back to india
i don't know when i'll be able to see him again :(
april is not a good month for me
i'm losing these 2 good people
people who i had fun with, shared so many laughters
why must the good people go?
not forgetting jovita too
all who are close to me... :(
well, at least for my 2nd bro i can still see him after 3 months
and he'll be home every weekend after that
this is one bad thing about having bros
i'll have to go through the period of missing them when they go ns
whereas for karthik and jovita, maybe it'll be a very very long time before i can see them again
but we'll keep in touch
i'm going to miss them!
so i'm going to spend the last few weeks with them as much as possible :)

2009-03-19T00:00:00.003+08:00

yes!
finally got back from 3 days of guzheng camp!
feel so free! :)
spent my bday stuck in camp :(
but it was okay la
can celebrate on another day
must kan kai yi dian
hahaha
so we just practised and practised
then got tuning then clean cases
then we keep carrying the guzheng frm place to place like zuo chu kong lidat
even got time to study one la
lol
we got no movie leh, other than juon with co
i heard harmoc got wad 881
then floorball got wad ice hockey show de
hahaha!
n i slept in the cold hard floor for 2 nights!
it was so uncomfortable la
my body was aching
i kept tossing n turning trying to find the right position but to no avail
then i woke up duno how many times in the night and then fall aslp again
lol!
we went to watch juon with the co ppl
lol i was damn chicken la
i was covering my eyes the my hands most of the time
even the not scary parts i also cover
then after a while then i realise it's the not the scary part, why am i covering my eyes
lol!
i even hid behind a chair haha
zhong yun kept saying i dui css de lian
hahaha!
today me n gwen woke up damn late
we were the lastest in our room
n guess wad,
we got locked in the room 'cause other ppl think there's nobody in the room alr
lol
n i think i did a very idiotic thing
i requested: no beef, no pork, no chicken for my food b4 the camp
so they assumed im vegetarian
n i have to eat veggies for lunch and dinner for 3 days straight!
omg!
nw i'm damn sick of veggies alr
i nid meat!!
in camp, i keep thinking about fish fish fish!
when i'm out of camp must eat fish!
actually no beef no pork no chicken but still got fish what
and crab, and other seafood
n other ppl were like eating so nice food la
got hotdog got fish
walao
lol
i become smart after this
nxt time dun so geigei put so many things
hahaha!
i just weighed myself just nw and i did not gain weight!
amazing!
cuz we've been eating supper for 2 nights
i dun have the habit of eating supper
and i told myself must finish my hw during camp de
but in the end leh
haii
nw must wake up early in the morning to mug
cuz i'll be going out everyday after today
n nid to study for phy test!!
crap
now i'm damn tired la
my eyes like cannot open fully alr
:)

2009-03-14T23:29:00.002+08:00

i can't go on like this
i can't harbour such thoughts
i don't know why it should affect me so much so that i would think of doing that
i actually thought about what might happen if i did
aarrrggghhh

2009-03-07T23:09:00.008+08:00

jq, saiful, me at some event called noise on the bay. n there's a girl dying to be in our pic! lol!

me, saiful at perfect place for 'nerding'

anil, hilda & me

anil & me

me & hilda

anil, hilda & me

anil, hilda & me

me, hui ying( can see her?), you jing at css!

me, hui ying, you jing

today was such a boratic day
went out with the borats
it wasn't planned
borat called and suddenly so boratic ask me and borat whether want to go out or not
'cause he misses the borat
awww
had fun
we went to nerd at vivocity
many other people were 'nerding' ah
but borat never got to take pic of nerding in action!
haha
he so excited about 'nerding'
haha
so we like nerd for 4 hrs then we decided to go to the sg flyer popeye to eat dinner
the fish fillet sandwich was very nice
nicer than mac's x)
then later we loiter loiter then we came to this place where they were having noise on the bay by noise singapore
so we sat down and watch the performance for like 1 hr
the songs were okay la
then we took a pic with some girl desperate to get on the cam
haha no la jk
on the way back we talk about a lot of 'interesting' stuff
was laughing like mad
haha we are damn creative man!
exotic flavours
thin and strong
lol!
our borat empire trade secret
cannot anyhow say
haha
never laughed like that for a long time
must find people with the same frequency as you
boratic ah
haha
there's a difference between css ppl and some njc ppl
different sense of humour
i love boratic humour the most =D
anyway the photos are with borat so cannot upload yet
will upload when i get my boratic hands on them
haha
look forward to another boratic outing! =DD
we the borats rock your =))) off man! =D

and also i still can't upload the pics of the day me, hilda and anil went out
must upload
and also the yesterday take with yj one in css

and i'm finally going to create a facebook!
after the borats threaten and bash me up if i dun create
haha no la jk
actually i'm quite curious also
why everyone have facebook
lol

9 more days! =DD

2009-02-14T22:44:00.006+08:00

this was supposed to be the last part of this post but i'm lazy to drag it all the way down to the end so here
this is my og and ogls
og07! =)

lol i know i'm damn slow
this was the e.s outing on 08/02/09
i meant to get this from yu xuan but as i was blog surfing just now i saw this pic in his blog so i just koped it
haha
anyway the outing stuff can go read his blog
i got very bad memory
haha about the notorious stuff
i still remembered
i could recognise one of the person he was talking about
but the others i can't remember how they look like
i think i saw the most notorious one he was talking about
then i kept on staring at him
for a while only
haha
but i'm not sure if he was the guy
he's taller than i expected

anyway just now
like around 8pm
i wanted to ask my bro to teach me my homework qns
then he was playing wow as usual so he asked me to wait
then after a while i very kan chiong so i don't care just ask him
then it took like 2.5hrs just to ask him 5 qns
that includes 'waiting' time
so later i said: i'm gonna blog about you ah! and how you make me wait!
lol!
walao if like that i don't need to complete my hw alr
it's impossible at this rate
so this is how i blog about my bro and how he make me wait
hahaha
but better than not having anybody to ask right?

i'm scared of knowing my class
because i'm scared i get those crappy class
with crappy people
i like my og now
i really don't mind if my og were my class
but most of them take bcme =(
so most probably i won't remain as close after getting my class
at least my og don't have those kind of nonsensical shytti people
i'm so scared la
i don't know a lot of pcme people
so after getting class must know new people again
hopefully not people who are sorry excuses for humans
i don't mind if they are nice people
then i'll get to know more people
pray very very hard i get good class =D

happy valentine's day!
actually wanted to go out with karthik and others today
but could not call enough people in time so it was cancelled
and don't know who that person is right, whose hp got problem only reply me in the afternoon when it's too late already har :p
so in the morning i went back to school to practise guzheng
oh yeah, i'm in guzheng ensemble now i guess
it was supposed to be my last resort as i wanted to try something new
but i got nothing else to join that would give me good porfolio
so at least i join this i can go syf
that'd be good
never mind la, just for 2 years
i wanted to say something but i scared i get whacked
so never mind, i shall not say it

oh kok haw, i know already!
i wished you happy birthday on my blog right?!
lol i forgot
haha
oh by the way, i'm currently broke
and will continue to be broke
so i can't buy your present just yet
or any time soon lol
so you man man deng
wait until i got money and got time to buy
haha =)

oh yeah saiful came to njc on friday
haha
it was a last minute thing
he was released early
he always release early one
then he planned to go back to css for band or something with you jing
so in the mean time
i asked him to come to njc
and he can see the css people there
i was so happy because i did not see him for a long time
and wanted to see him in his new uniform
while i was waiting at the gate for him i saw daisy
i was surprised because i did not expect to see her at all
and you know and i know why she's there
haha
so later saiful came and i brought him to meet my og people
who were sitting down there don't know doing what
then later we went to the canteen and i called atika to come down
while waiting we saw darren who was going out to meet daisy
then later hui ying appeared out of nowhere
lol :P
and then valerie pamela and zhong yun came
we crowded around him like he was some sort of tourist attraction
haha
it was nice, to see your friends again
makes you miss the times you were in secondary school
it was not that long ago, like a few months that we were still in the same class in the same school
but it feels like ages because there have been so many changes
you feel like those secondary school days were long ago
i will miss all the times but i got my memories and my friends
it's time to move on and i look forward to the future

well uh it'd be nice if they do it
but that does not mean that they are supposed to do it
or that they must do it
like you all take it for granted
all i can say is
what kind of crap is this?

2009-02-08T11:01:00.005+08:00

this is the first weekend after school started
just finished orientation
it was fun but tiring
the ogls were nice and fun =)
my og was okay
i have very little to say i don't know why
these few days my mind like blank like that
well, lessons start next week
i'm neutral to it
but i think i will complain when it starts
it's always like that
i have yet to find more girls who take same subject combi as me
i know there will be a lot of boys taking my combi
so far i only know 2 girls
one from my og and another from the og before mine
all my friends from css take bio, i mean the girls
=(
never mind, when i know my class i hope there'll be more
and i hope i get a good class and not some crappy class
ok i don't want to think about this more than i have to
so anyway...

here are the pics we took when we went to bugis library on the last week of holidays. karthik wanted to take the pics for memory sake. i'm going to miss him when he goes back to india. haha must type that small small so it won't be so obvious, because i know when he sees it he will sure brag. lol. hope he could stay in singapore then i can ka jiao him more. =) he's a very fun person to be with i must admit. and he's a very very very very very nice person. hahaha! =D why am i advertising him? lol.

me calling jq to find out where he is, freaky eyes~

karthik taking random pic of me outside bugis library

this is the first shot, but that's jq's extra hand

jq & karthik

jq & karthik again dey~

me, karthik & jq at the library, what is jq doing??

at the library, lucky i'm not gay =x jk

karthik & me at victoria bar oohh~

lol karthik look so scheming...

anyway i asked karthik to play badminton yesterday
it was kind of a last minute thing because i only asked him on friday
then we asked more people to join in
karthik wanted to ask his junior but he was in school
then i asked sarannya but she pang seh me & hilda in the end
so in the end only left jq karthik & me
we decided to meet at the jurong west sports complex at 12.30
i was late and so was karthik
jq was there the first
karthik is the best man
ask me take 243g and said all the landmarks i should look out for
and i did
but i could not see the stadium
so i was on the bus for quite some time already
then i got a feeling that something was wrong
like i overshot already
and when jq called me, i was already going back to the interchange!
so i went one whole round the area!
all karthik's fault
haha
then later jq asked me to take 179
and it was faster n i could see the complex
next time don't trust karthik already
haha
see la, haven't even meet up then cause so much problems already
tsk tsk
jq said if we were there earlier got courts to play
but we arrived late
so at first we borrowed somebody else's court first while they wait for their friends
then later we played outside the courts
at around 2pm jq had to go
karthik n i continued playing badminton for around 2 hrs
that's the longest i've ever played badminton straight
and karthik, stop bragging about your skills
i did not play for how many years and i could still beat you! :P
then we talked about random stuff also
i told karthik my deepest darkest secrets yesterday
actually i don't really trust him but he told me some deep dark secrets too
so he said this is a fair trade
lol
then we talked about a lot of other stuff too
then we went down to the track to run 10 rounds
i was exercising like crazy like that
the whole afternoon, play badminton then go jogging
but it was fun la
i love the complex it was so cool
i especially like the aquatic something something
look so fun
maybe i should go there someday
at around 5.30 we went to pioneer mall to grab a desert
karthik drank red bean soup and i had ice chin chow
at first karthik wanted to treat me but i refused 'cause i don't usually let people treat me unnecessarily
this is call got backbone
lol!
n 'cause i said just now he said 'you all girls like that one ma' while we were talking about sth related to this
haha he doesn't mean it la
but i just used that to joke with him
n in the end he said he going back to india soon so just treat me la
so ok la
haha
then after that i need to go back home to change for dinner
i was supposed to be back by 6.30 but i reached home at around 7 plus
lucky my mum didn't scold me 'cause she told me abt the dinner alr
lol
karthik said i cud reach home by half an hr
the bus trip frm there to the mrt was like half an hr alr
see
cannot trust karthik
:P
anyway, had fun yesterday
we will ask more ppl to join next time
n cannot always play badminton
must do something taht karthik is not good at
then can laugh at him
hahahaha! =D

oh! and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOK HAW!
i know your bday is not today but i only blogged today
haha =D