well yltc was fun but tiring it made me try a lot of stuff i wouldn't have tried on my own and also learn a lot of lessons but got a lot of bites and bruises i look like i just came out of war haha then when i stood beside jovita she said she look like a maid abuser haha then my guitar teacher actually don't dare to ask why i got so many bruises until i told him i went for camp today zhongyun kept saying i really look like i came back from war hahaha
yeah so today i went to the beach with zhongyun i wanted to talk to her about a lot of stuff and i want to go to watch the sea got calming effect you know yeah so it's like i realise it's really up to me she said that sometimes you can't solve it because you don't want to solve it hmmm yeah maybe it's really up to me to change my screwed up way of seeing things must be hou lian pi but it does feel better sharing with somebody esp with someone who has similar thoughts and feelings as you feel like you can relate more but it's damn tough sometimes i feel it's beyond my capability and yeah i like the conclusion about you you're just insecure so much more insecure than me all along i wondered why you did all those things and we also revealed some stuff we would never have said in school and i kinda feel glad that zy feels the same as me makes you feel like you're not the only one thinking this way so we talked for the entire afternoon until we're tired and dehydrated hahaha :) i hope zy won't say some of the stuff we said today sssshhhhh secret haha & i admit, honestly, i haven't stop comparing i know i would be so much happier if i stopped comparing but i can't for me this kind of person who thinks excessively ignorance is bliss but a lot of times things that i don't want to know will just keep dancing around in front of my face i always thought i love myself but i realise recently that i don't because if i do, i wouldn't self sabotage, i wouldn't destroy myself this way i wouldn't feel that i don't deserve all the things that i should i wouldn't feel no sense of self worth i need to start loving myself and stop feeling like i should let other people and i feel i got a lot of stuff to think about about how to go about climbing out of this deep shit hole and whether i really wanna become a doctor whether everything that i'll have to go through is worth it and today's yan ngee's birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! long live es! though she still haven't thank me yet! hmph! haha :)
oh thanks zhongyun for hearing me out today and anil & atika for your concern and anil for talking to me about this the other day :D
i wish you have tried harder
excuse me :X
9:47:00 PM
THE OLD FART
Wan En
18
HKPS(1999-2004)
Commonwealth Sec (2005-2008)
National JC (2009-2010)
